Thanks. I’m going to get out of bed and socialize poorly tonight because of this.
Maybe I’ll report back tomorrow how poorly it went.
I just got back! It went well. I felt awkward half the time, but I got to have some real conversations with some old and new friends.
I have some new friends that I’ve only interacted with in really busy contexts, and it was nice to chat with them in a calmer space. I woulda missed the chance if I didn’t give it a shot tonight.
Happy for you partner!
Good job!
My psychotherapist often say to me (paraphrased) : What is worth doing is worth being done badly.
A thing done imperfectly is better than doing nothing at all.
Actually great advice, I need to brush my teeth
Damn, brb, I’m gonna go put some stuff away even if I don’t know where to put everything
That was pretty good. I finally put away things that have been laying around for over a year.
They called us ‘gifted’ to justify our separation from others.
If only we applied ourselves.
No, trying harder doesn’t work for us.
I think that’s the joke. I heard this a lot growing up and it obviously didn’t help.
You must not have heard it enough because I heard it seriously all the time and I’m doing great and like sure I can’t sleep and stuff but I’m totally fine and doing great now as an adult and it’s totally unrelated that I’m not employed and super anxious about literally every moment awake because who knows what’s coming but honestly I’m super fine so not to worry.
(That was so hard to write without punctuation, but that’s how it feels)
I feel like if only I had worked up to my potential, my life wouldn’t be a shambling corpse-to-be.
As it turns out, our potential is really high in a select few categories, and that makes it look to authority figures like we’re good at everything.
me explaining to my family that the only thing I actually know is how to formulate a proper search query
I used to feel that was one thing I was good at. But then the algorithms changed as well as the internet. Now I rarely find what I’m looking for and I die a little each time.
Yeah but that’s not a problem with you or the march of time. Search engines have been effectively ruined.
I’d suggest Ed Zitron’s “better offline” pod or Freya Holmer’s latest YT vid on the topic if you want to hear some will developed arguments on the subject.
I do apply myself from 2-6 am until my eyes are dryaf and wont stay open
For me it was hiding my emotions while dying of anxiety inside. I thought it was normal for people to have multiple streams of thought at once and to wake up with your mind immediately racing til bed. I did it though, college, kids, house, corporate IT career, until I couldn’t handle the grind of daily life and burned out hardcore, several times. Also drank excessively for 20 years.
Thankfully, you can get treated for depression and anxiety for decades, then spend thousands of dollars to get an official ADHD diagnosis, maybe. And the stimulants make my anxiety and depression so much better, and they are super easy to get. Also, no one will question if you really have ADHD, support all the way. Then, back to the grind which you’ll run right into with a smile everyday. I love it! It’s the best!
Well sir, I would kindly request you get out of my head.
Thanks, I hate it
Just my experience. If your family or friends notice and help you, especially when younger, it can be a huge help. I’m just bitter cause I figured this out, and other big mental health issues, in my 40s. Some people get help right away, but sometimes you have to ask, and others, you have to beg and hope you make it.
Not to be bleak. I think realizing that you and only you are responsible for your physical and mental well being. Take care of those as best as you can and the way you want or need. It may hurt people but again, you are your #1 person in whatever reality you live in. You can feel better it just takes time and processing all emotions and looking out for you.✌️
Well I believe they tried to, in my case. Mental health was still a low priority and borderline taboo as a topic when my parents were growing up.
In fact, they faced similar issues and no one batted an eye, never saw it as something curable.
I’ll go for the “Don’t get diagnosed” and “Kill yourself in your 30s” strat.
Edit: For anybody actually trying to unassigned variable themselves, please be adviced. There are CEOs on your way out and be carefully NOT to take any of them with you. That would be AWFULL and HIGHLY illegal. We ABSOLUTELY DESPERATELY need those CEOs, so please be carefull with them.
Same, thou I’m not sure I can wait out the last couple years to 30. Might be fun to have my birthday be my deathday tho
You uh…ok? It does not sound fun to have your birthday be your death day :(.
Life is both pointless AND miserable and it would be fine if it were just one or the other but I’m just so fucking tired of putting effort into a life that I hate living
Please don’t hurt yourself. You are worthy of love.
Worthy? I can accept that. The problem is my presence in someone’s life would only make theirs worse. Well it would be a problem if I were capable of seeking out a relationship which I’m not. Not even comfortable with hookups anymore. Accepted that love, affection, and intimacy just aren’t for me.
Relationships aren’t for everyone, and that’s fine if its your choice and you are actually happy with it. Regardless, life is worth living. It may not seem like it now (I’ve been there) but I assure you there is a reason you’re here. Keep your head up.
If I start hoping, it’s just gonna make everything hurt more
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I admit I’m curious about what you said but not engaging is probably the right call
Honestly as an old person who struggles with ADHD I was trying to tell you it can get better… ignore the voice in your head telling you, “you can’t/suck/failure” it won’t help and it only drags you into a pit of self loathing reaffirmed by that goddamn voice.
You need to accept you work differently and focus on how to use that instead of trying to conform.
Make your life about a purpose and start working on a system that you can excel.
Nowhere near it, but haven’t started looking for a place to get a helium or nitrogen tank yet so I call it a win. Tbh I should hurry up so I have more money left to leave to friends and family but I just haven’t been able to get around to it.
Your friends would almost certainly rather have you than any money you would give them.
I mean, sure, but I see them irl maybe once a year, and it’s easy to forget people exist (or existed) when you only interact with them online. I’m always the one reaching out and trying to do things and god knows I’ve let enough friendships vanish by getting sick of it and stopping initiating things and watching them never notice.
I don’t think it’s as easy as you think. It sure isn’t for me. There are a lot of friends I have lost touch with over the years that I think of often. And hope are still around.
At this point it’s just more of a question of when, not if
🤷♀️
30s give you “Dadbod Multplier”
Yayyyy, another reason to kill myself
I’m now one further in the “incapacitated for years” state
Isn’t it strange that we have a government-ran education system that seems to identify those with significant potential for social change/upheaval and then manages to turn them into aimless mental health cases without the necessary learned skills such as how to study, how to overcome challenge, etc? Surely that couldn’t be by design to maintain the status quo and weed out or disenfranchise potential challengers to it before said challengers had a chance to inspire action, could it?
Honestly, I don’t think your thinking is correctly placed.
I do not think people with ADHD or other neurodivergencies are by design thought of, in first hand, as opposition Opposition that will be oppressors of the system. If anything, it’s a second hand thought. Of course the surpressed will attempt to revolt on a personal or collective plane sooner or later. But really, I don’t think people with ADHD are pre-identified as rebels by the system. I think it’s more historicallly sensible that people with ADHD are just trouble inside school. They ask too much and remembers too little. It doesn’t fit the practice of teaching. That’s it.
I recognize the community, but I’m referring specifically to “gifted and talented” programs as referenced in the meme, not just ADHD.
I also recognize they were not originally intended to be filters for society and likely had good intentions at inception, so I’m suggested they have been co-opted as a means of social correction by evil actors over time
I can see the appeal of thinking that your genius is being suppressed by an evil cabal who is afraid of your power, but it’s much more likely that the system is designed for neurotypicals because there’s more of them.
I feel like this person is doing the serious version of what I say when I claim there’s a conspiracy against us left-handed people, when in reality we’re like 10% of the population.
Still makes it no less annoying to only have a potato peeler with a blade on the side where you can’t use it.
This hits a little too close to home. Still working on the anxiety and depression as an adult, but burnout has been a something I have done my best to put my foot down on, especially after my last job gave me panic attacks.
I almost failed 1st grade because I didn’t understand the concept of homework. I had a huge pile of it stuffed in my desk. Eventually, they called my dad and I was given a chance to do the weeks of assignments and catch up. I didn’t do them because I was bored and spent most of the time in my own mental world. I finished the whole stack in a weekend. I got the dreaded “GT” designation in elementary and was accepted in this “pre-AP” program in middle school. Most people would view this as a mistake, but due to my specific circumstances, the alternative would have been worse.
The burnout bordered on abuse. I had less homework in the actual Highschool AP classes. Hell, I had less homework in University. Apparently, the parents threw a big fit as their kids were staying up until midnight finishing homework several nights a week. The solution was to the lower the requirements to stay in the program. We were fucking 12! My hair was falling out by the end of the year. The first 2-3 weeks of summer I did nothing but sleep as I was exhausted. I have no idea how I managed to force myself through that for 3 years straight, while going through puberty, rapidly declining mental health, and still failing to find the right kind of stimulation.
When I got the diagnosis as an adult, I went through a mourning period at all of the things I could have done better. Once the plastic in your brain settles, doing things as an adult is significantly harder. It is what it is though, and I still have done amazing things with my life.
I’ll be honest this makes me feel so much less alone. I should have completed my engineering degree by now, but honestly not blaming COVID itself but the situations around it and the isolation among other things sent me down a never ending spiral to the bottom. I come to learn I barely holding on by a thread most of my life and it started to unravel at 21-22. Getting ADHD takes forever in the UK, I just hope I can survive or find something to hold me up until that. I went from potential family top earner to a lost loser who is anxious when seeing people nowadays.
I feel personally attacked, lol
I apologize for nothing.
I’m my case it was an autism diagnosis but otherwise yes.
For anyone reading this who may not be aware, there’s a lot of overlap between the two diagnoses, and there’s a chance you may have both.
ADHD may actually be a spectrum disorder. I’ve seen a few studies over the last few years that suggest this.
It does “feel” like that to me. Some days it helps me do my job better, some days it takes an hour between deciding to brush my teeth and actually doing it.
I was in GT classes in middle school and my freshman year of high school and I absolutely did not belong there. But, you know, I liked teaching myself things so obviously I should be put in the class that made me do extra boring bullshit work.
Why yes, I did end up dropping out of high school and getting a GED.
Never been evaluated for ADHD, but I have basically all the symptoms my daughter, who definitely has ADHD, has, or had them at her age.
Sooo… where do we go after stage 3? The meds just make me nap a lot :(
Work with a therapist to improve coping strategies and improve your sleep hygiene. If the meds are making you nap, chances are it’s because they’re allowing you to relax enough to actually rest. Developing habits that help you to sleep better may help (I’m pretty terribad at it myself).
living out in the woods, getting dirt on your hands, and learning to work well with feelings again.
Unmedicated, unemployed, and homeless. Like me.
try different meds or take them at a different time of day, many people experience a “crash” when stimulance like adderall or medikinet where off.
I take part of my meds in the afternoon (unless i forget it again…) because that way they where off closer to bed time.
I’ve yet to get the official diagnosis. But im on track.
Don’t give up, it took me eight years from my suspicions to actually getting a diagnosis. The hardest part was finding psychiatrists, making appointments, going to the first appointment, and then going to the following appointments.
Apart from stimulant prescriptions, what is the benefit of getting diagnosed with ADHD?
I posted elsewhere about this, but ADHD can mess with your emotions. I thought for a while that I was bipolar because of how quickly my moods could change and how strongly I felt things like anxiety or disappointment or frustration. Now that I know what it is, in the moment I’m able to pull myself out of depressive spirals caused by hyperfixation etc. I’m also able to better work with the peaks and troughs of my productivity. Plenty of other helpful reasons too!
Whoa whoa whoa
I’m diagnosed bipolar and I’m just starting to work on potential adhd/AuDHD issues
My Dr appointment with the psychiatrist basically went nowhere. He said that he very rarely diagnoses ADHD in adults because it gets found when you’re a kid so i probably don’t have it since im an adult.
A real fuckin doctor said this to me.
Idk where to go from here…
Find a new one. Find one that specializes in ADHD. You can absolutely be diagnosed as an adult, however the symptoms must have been present before the age of 12 or something, technically.
I had a doctor ask me if I had found jesus when first trying to get help w my issues. For real. It can take some time to find the right fit, but hopefully you can seek out an ADHD/neurodivergent focused therapist for better results
e: i was diagnosed by a psychologist/therapist. I have heard from several folks anecdotally that their psychiatrists are more detached and are mostly just there for prescriptions. YMMV
Your edit seems about right lol
I’ll definitely be looking. I’m on a wait-list for therapy for now, but I’ll try to find someone who works with ADHD specifically. I didn’t know that existed. Hopefully my city is big enough.
I also had a therapist tell me that Jesus could help me once. I didn’t see her again. Lmao
ADHD-tailored therapy.
Meds alone are not going to solve the problems that ADHD causes, especially when it is untreated throughout one’s life. There’s the additional primary impacts like emotional disregulation and alexithymia (and many others), as well as the secondary impacts of emotional traumas from struggling and failing to do things that are simple for neurotypical people and being given no quarter societally for those challenges that are rooted in the physical neurophysiological differences in the prefrontal cortex of ADHD brains.
In addition, stimulant meds are not the only meds for ADHD and not effective for all people with ADHD. They are the first line treatment because they have far greater statistical efficacy than other meds in most cases. Their main useful mechanism of action though, is not really their “stimulant” properties but their action as dopamine/norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors.
The advantage is you’re no longer doubting yourself. Self diagnosis is not sufficient.
That makes it easier to select therapy that specifically suits ADHD. For me, It also lead to me actually using self help practices and trying to read books on it. A diagnosis gave me a framework to base my path to improvement on.
A diagnosis also demonstrates to others, that you’re not just lazy.
It opens up options that your future self may want/need. There are many potential barriers to treatment, you really don’t want to deal with these when you actually need to rely on those services.
Im at the “psychiatrist referred me to psychologist for testing” stage. As of like, a few days ago. Otherwise identical, 7+ years of wanting testing (and having insurance and money to do it), before even making an attempt at getting treatment.
Psychiatrist seemed confident meds would seriously help tho! Although i guess they are kinda paid to say that i guess?
They are not at all paid to say that. That said, the meds were a game changer for me.
Oh. Now i feel like i made an impression and will dwell on that for the next several minutes.
You did. But I won’t remember your username or comment in about 4 minutes
Medication helps most people with ADHD the fastest. It’s just a scientific fact.
No medication can be the goal, the meds seriously help on that path though.
Not to diminish the struggles of those with ADHD, but this is also a thing for neuronormative folks. Society simply tells us all to be brilliant in order to be useful for others. But the problem is that not everyone of us are the same and if we don’t live up to expectations, we also end up disappointing ourselves. So, we try to keep up to please others, neglecting ourselves, and hence leading to burnout.
