- cross-posted to:
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- cross-posted to:
- [email protected]
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Why is this posted as humor? Seriously, this is how anyone actually seeking a job should directly translate those phrases.
This applies to all companies in America, definitely not just developers.
I can tell you that this applies to a lot of businesses and countries. At this point counting the ones that it doesn’t apply would be a shorter list.
If they say: salary is competitive = you will be underpaid
&& overworked
The only thing I’d replace is
we have daily stand upswe meet every day in the same time and same place and there’s this guy who talks way more than he shouldah frick. wakeup call
Agile could also be code for we can’t figure out how to control project scope and team capacity
Been doing the job search and it’s frustrating how bad most of the job postings are. There’s so much filler nonsense.
I pretty much just want to know like
- tech stack
- team size
- big picture what the company does
- if they’re assholes about in-office mandates
- salary range
Some postings are like “must know Java, go, JavaScript, Ruby, Python, or rust” and I’m like do you use all of those?
I like the ones where the tech stack is literally every language/framework in use by anybody anywhere. Maybe you guys should try picking the stuff that’s best suited for whatever it is you’re doing.
Had an old boss that wouldn’t put our stack in JDs because he felt any truly good programmer could pick it up. I mean, true, but it’s not efficient hiring, or effecient business practice.
I would actually like to work at a place like that. I’ve worked with a very wide variety of languages and platforms and I don’t much care which one I use now. I’m much more interested in what the project is than in what tools are being used to produce it.
Just kidding - nobody has interesting projects any more.
Well, we had one stack. There was no variety, it was that he didn’t want to put it on JDs.
And some places have interesting things, but unfortunately not many. I’m working on data provenance protocols and distributed identity management using ActivityPub at the moment, and I would consider that very interesting, but super-boring to others.
I keep getting recruiters sending me in-office jobs on the other side of the country and not even telling me the salary range. You’re asking me to break my lease, uproot my family, and leave behind all my local friends. If your salary is low enough that you don’t want to advertise it up front, why would I ever even consider doing all that?
salary range
Sorry, you have to pass multiple rounds of interviews and get approved for the job before we tell you, which is not wasting anyone’s time when you find out it’s substantially less than you’ll accept. Why can’t we find people to fill this position? No one wants to work anymore.
It’s weird that there’s some jurisdictions where employers don’t have to list the salary range in the job listing, or upon request from an applicant before an interview. It doesn’t make sense to have to do interviews only to find out that you’d be massively underpaid.
I think at least New York now requires jobs to post a range. I haven’t even seen bullshit like “$50k - $500k” - maybe the law was written strongly enough that they can’t loophole it that way.
Doesn’t it cost them money to interview people? What a way to waste time
Yes but if they do find a poor shmuck that wants the job, they can hope he’ll undervalue himself and ask for even less.
Well, the one posting the job and hiding the salary info is also probably being paid by the number of interviews they do.
Groovy that’s someone I haven’t heard about in like 10 years
My pet project uses it, but no one else does
“must know Java, go, JavaScript, Ruby, Python, or rust”
Well, they put an “or” in there, so I would say, they want at least 1 of those.
We got an opening, are you looking?
When, where, what, how, … Aaaaagh
I just started skipping the first 1-2 pages of all ads, they usually just talk about what a fantastic company they are, etc. Just noise that no one is interested in, not even the ones lying about it.
At the end after all the fluff there is usually a description of what you are supposed to know and do. And if there isn’t, well I am not wasting my time with them.
Also, describing salary range seems very different in different countries
I just want to know what I will be doing and they say Java, go, JavaScript, Ruby, Python, or rust and I am like. I don’t do compilers.
I don’t do compilers
? What do you mean
They mean they’d rather debug at runtime, preferably in production, with minimal instrumentation.
No that’s not what they meant. See their response.
Writing that programming languages is the thing you will be working on. Not what application you will be doing because you’re just a tool, not human being.
Ah ok I understand. Still it’s nice to know the preferred and used languages in a company.
Yeah but that’s what you will be using not what you will be doing.
“you’ll wear multiple hats” => “you’ll wear all the hats”
Also: we don’t have the budget for anything so you have to do it (IT, conf, programming, …).
“The only job you won’t have to do is QA, because we haven’t heard of it yet. Is that a new thing? We’re going to wait and see if it catches on.”
but when something goes wrong it’s on you, so you can wear that hat too
I mean, depends on the size of the company. When you’re like 1-2 devs you basically do what you can to help everyone out. But yeah as the company gets bigger you’ll need to separate the responsibilities.
It should be
We have daily “stand-ups”
Because it usually morphs into an hour long status meeting instead of an actual agile stand up meeting.
I’ve been a part of a few companies that did it right.
Before COVID, the stand up room had no chairs, only stand up tables. One TV and you had 20 minutes. Stand ups were back to back.
The most efficient use of my time as both an engineer and a people leader because you were forced to stay on task.
No bull shit. Just “I did x. I’m stuck on y. I’m waiting on z.”
The most efficient use of my time as both an engineer and a people leader
My last company had the most efficient standup meetings possible. We always did them by phone since 4/5 of the team was in India, so I was able to shower at home during them and then catch the bus in to work.
We do it like that too. Most meetings are not useful at all (no blockers), but at least we don’t waste more than 15-20 minutes
The dream.
For any newbies reading along, as a veteran, who writes job descriptions, I can confirm this is 100% accurate.
As someone who’s done this for 20yrs and has been a manager or lead for 5 of that, these are pretty spot on… though I’ll say “must be a team player” for me is less don’t question authority and more “your manager is too busy for your constant questions… talk to your peers and figure it out amongst yourselves, I got shit to do.”
I once made a big fuss about a very critical security vulnerability because they didn’t want to deal with it and there were very serious ramifications to the business depending on how it was dealt with. Like the company was exposed to multi million dollar lawsuits over it, maybe more, possibly worse than lawsuits
It was the only time I’ve ever been classified as not a team player, and they used that incident as the reason in the report.
Edit: they did eventually deal with it properly, but not before trying to hide it and lie about it to our customers first.
For what it’s worth, I’ve got similar experience, and I’ve seen what OP is talking about. CEO rolling in twice a year to make arbitrary decisions that overrides Product. Product fighing amongst themselves as to what the CEO actually meant. Anyone questioning any of the above is let go for not being a team player.
I can say without a shadow of a doubt that there is no sweeter pleasure than watching utter panic and chaos unfold when the rockstar quits. I love quitting shitty jobs…
You got the rockstar one wrong, it’s an actual programming language.
A few I can laugh about (just started to make a profit), but most of them just make me uncomfortable.
