Operator: Hotline.
Andy: Hi, yes, I’m calling because it’s more than four hours and your ad said to call if it’s been more than four hours.
Operator: How much of the medicine have you taken, sir?
Andy: I haven’t taken any, but your ad said that if you’ve had an erection for more than four hours, you call.
Operator: You’re only supposed to call if you’ve taken the medicine.
Andy: Okay. I’m sorry. I must not have heard that part.
Operator: Yes. If you haven’t taken the medicine, you don’t call.
Andy: Right. I’m sorry. Right. So, there’s nothing you can do? I just don’t wanna–
Operator: There’s nothing I can do. I’m in Bombay, India.
Andy: Okay. No, not you personally. I just don’t want–I just don’t want to have an erection anymore.
Operator: You know, you could have sex.
Andy: Okay. Yup.
Operator: That’s one thing people do when they have an erection.
Andy: Yeah, that’s not an option. I don’t have sex.
Operator: Okay, well, then you can masturbate.
Andy: I’d rather not masturbate.
Operator: If you’d like the erection to go away, you can light a match, blow out the flame and put the hot ember on your wrist. And that will focus the brain elsewhere, and you will lose your erection.
Andy: Really? That’d work?
Operator: Take your finger and flick your testicle, and if you do that till it hurts, your erection will go away.
Andy: Okay, all right. It sounds unpleasant and it is.
Operator: It is a trick we use in India.
Andy: Okay, those are all good pieces of advice. I really appreciate it.
Operator: We appreciate your business–oh, no. We didn’t get your business!
Andy: No, not this time. I guess I didn’t need you this time. Thank you.

Man, jokes aside, having a 30 hour erection must have been really hard.

Almost 50,000-euro compensation payout for Spanish man whose erection lasted more than 30 hours

Friday, 17 January 2025, 17:26

The Valencian regional government in Spain will have to pay compensation of 49,104.44 euros to a man after he experienced an erection for more than 30 hours. Additionally, the man’s wife, according to the ruling of the advisory legal counsel of Valencia (CJCV), will receive 5,000 euros from the regional health department as compensation for distress.

This brings an end to the claim made by the 36-year-old patient who, in 2020, first visited the health centre in the Valencian town of Albaida after experiencing a four-hour erection. Following a diagnosis of priapism, the individual went to the facilities of the Hospital Ontinyent, where the claimants reported that medical professionals “delayed treatment”.

After not seeing any improvement 20 hours after the first visit to the hospital, the couple went to the hospital again, where, after a day of continuous erection, he was discharged and was scheduled for a preferential appointment at the urology department. Moments later, the patient returned to the hospital and was finally referred to Xátiva, where he was admitted for the first time since the onset of the symptoms. In addition to the initial symptoms, the 36-year-old man began a febrile process “probably secondary to the rupture of the corpus cavernosum”, the report detailed.

Once the fever was controlled, the patient was discharged, although “a few days later he underwent scheduled surgery for the placement of a malleable penile prosthesis, which was carried out without incident”.

However, a few days after the operation, the patient had to return to hospital after the prosthesis came off due, according to the experts, to the “poor fitting of the prosthesis”. This caused the young man to suffer from permanent erectile dysfunction and, in addition, loss of sensitivity and strength in his right arm and neuropathic pain in his left leg.

After several days in hospital, several surgeries, multiple sequelae and a long battle of almost four years, the couple will now receive almost 55,000 euros in compensation in the coming weeks.

I thought this was going to be funny but it’s tragic

I mean, whose life partner hasn’t received $5k from their government to compensate them for distress from their prolonged sexual arousal, right? Right?

Edit: I have no problem with compensation here.

What they went through is brutal, and government payout can help them a bit and incentivises the health system not to fuck up this badly in the future.