Personally, I have never gotten the hype by the names “baby,” “babe,” “bae,” “honey,” it feels forced to me. I’ve seen those TikTok videos where as a joke people will address their spouses by their real names and the spouses get mad and say something like “my family and friends can call me that, but you can’t.” I’ve never gotten the seriousness of it. If we already know we’re boyfriend and girlfriend, or husband and wife, why should I have to address you by those names? Again, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with saying them, but using real names should become more common as well.
TikTok is not real life. Nobody I know doesn’t use real names when addressing their spouse. I’ve literally never even met someone who would act the way you’re describing.
We’ve been married 15 years. If we use a first name to address each other it usually means we are out in public and trying to find one another. And that is only because if I shout ‘QD(cutie)’ 5 women will turn around thinking it is their SO so it isn’t super useful.
If you bugged our house you would think my wife’s name is Dear, QD, Darling, Beautiful, or “HOLY SHIT CHECK THIS OUT”. There is almost no chance you’d catch either of our real names on that tape.
Wife did that at our wedding, shouted, “POGIE!” at the group of guys I was standing with and we all looked at the same time.
(Guys were all Americans, girls all Filipinos. “Pogie” = “hottie” in Tagalog.)
i know a lot of people who use babe and honey in real life.
you’ve never met anyone in your life who uses pet names for their SO?
Never using real names ≠ not using pet names.
I also have never met a couple that never calls each other by their given name. That doesn’t mean those same people never use pet names.
“Never using real names ≠ not using pet names.”
nobody said they were.
“That doesn’t mean those same people never use pet names.”
Cool, nobody’s making that argument except you.
Except the original post did? You aren’t right here.
The OP doesn’t like how terms of endearments sound, thinks they sound forced.
A subsequent commenter is misrepresenting the OP by arguing
“Never using real names ≠ not using pet names”
which nobody is asserting.
and complaining
“I also have never met a couple that never calls each other by their given name.”
which nobody has said,
and
“That doesn’t mean those same people never use pet names.”
which again, nobody is saying except for that commenter.
they’re propping up straw men using absolutes to argue against because they don’t have any relevant answers for the OP or contributions to the thread.
In your first comment, in this thread, you asked “you’ve never met anyone in your life who uses pet names for their SO?”
I (and I believe the other people responding to you) don’t think that’s a reasonable interpretation of the comment you were responding to.
The top comment (with the double negative removed for clarity) said that Every couple that commenter knows in real life does use each others’ legal names. This does not suggest that those couples do not also use pet names, but your question implies that you think it does. This implication is what other commenters are responding to.
you got turned around.
my comment
“you’ve never met anyone in your life who uses pet names for their SO?”
is a direct response to
the absurd assertion that
“Nobody I know doesn’t use real names when addressing their spouse.”
you:
“This does not suggest that those couples do not also use pet names”
No suggestion, they directly claim that nobody they know doesn’t use real names.
They claim not to know anyone who uses anything other than their real names with their spouse.
Buy that if you want to.
Lol, ok buddy. Have a great day. 👍
lol ok sport.
That was not what I said. Reread what I said. Your entire argument in this comment section is based off of a complete misreading of my comment.
Nah, it’s been litigated.
You can start again if you’d like.
no clue what you’re on about.
checks out.
no worries.
One of my friends does it. It is a real thing.
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they didn’t write or claim the vague and pointless response
“everybody uses their real names”.
they specifically claimed two things:
“Nobody I know doesn’t use real names when addressing their spouse.”
then they double down with
“I’ve literally never even met someone who would act the way you’re describing.”
“literally never”.
TikTok was an example. But those are real couples. I don’t know where you’re from but using real names is definitely not as common
Sounds like they are joking. The situations are obviously engineered and not reality when using a camera to record stuff for reactions and engagement.
using pet names, titles, or other things like that are useful in media when you want to convey the relationship.
Like when a movie has a man greet a woman. If he just said ‘hi jill’ you wouldn’t know who she is to him. If he says ‘hey babe’ you assume they’re in a relationship.
So idk what is actually more common in real situations but it’s easy to assume people only use pet names when you’re not going to see anyone’s actual one on one conversations
I don’t get the agenda the other comments are trying to push by pretending people don’t use terms of endearment, but don’t worry, you’re definitely in the right here.
“terms of endearment” or “pet names” are common phrases because of the commonality of pet names, especially in romantic relationships.
Re-read the comments. No one argued that nobody uses terms of endearment. The argument is that using given names doesn’t need to be normalized because it’s already an extremely normal thing…and that the abnormal behavior would be someone actually getting upset that their SO called them by their given name.
I’m responding to your misunderstanding and mischaracterization of the OP and your straw men “nevers”, not other comments that agree with what I’m saying.
I’m guessing you thought you were responding to me, but you weren’t. I never said that people didn’t use terms of endearment. I said I have “never” seen anyone act in the manner OP described as in I’ve never seen someone get mad at their SO for using their real name.
“I’m guessing you thought you were responding to me”
nope.
"I said[meant] I have “never” seen anyone act in the manner OP described as in I’ve never seen someone get mad at their SO for using their real name. "
great.
It’s very normal to call your partner by their first name. It’s also normal to use pet names.
Both are normalized.
Probably something you won’t need to worry about until you start showering daily.
Never had that kinda problem when it comes to dating. And until I do, I’ll keep showering every other day, like normal.
We use both and never wasted a second thinking about it. Why do you?
Find something more productive to do with your mental capacity. It’s their relationship, not yours. It’s none of your business and your opinion is not asked for. I have no earthly idea why you think you are that important to anyone to say some generalization on something so mundane.
You have your right to your opinion and share it with the Internet and now it’s up for a rebuttal. It’s between them. If they want to call each baby or babe or honey it’s their relationship. They aren’t asking for your participation. They are most certainly not asking for your evaluation either.
First you said “my opinion was not asked for” then you said “I have the right to my opinion and to share it with the internet.” You contradicted your entire statement. I never said it was a problem, I said using real names should be more normalized. It’s called unpopular opinion key word “opinion.” You’re the one wasting your time getting overly offended for people that you don’t even know.
That’s not a contradiction. That’s a fact. You have the right to your opinion, but the minute you share you open yourself to others opinions of yours. And I shared mine. It’s none of your concern.
lmao how is it a fact if you’re saying the exact opposite of what you said before? Make it make sense
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But we don’t care what you think. That’s the point.
Again, you keep responding, you clearly care.
Been with my SO for 10 years and we use pet names!
Honey and babe we use, they’re short and sweet! A quick “Honey dinners done” is to the point, and I’m indicating I’m ready to have a sweet ‘intimate’ moment with her. It doesn’t feel forced to use at all, no cringe feelings. We both find it endearing :).
BUT that doesn’t mean I dont use their name lol. If I know she has a headphone in, ill use her name because I know she’ll catch on that I’m calling for her quicker. Or if its for something more serious, like I need you come look at this with me. Oh and especially in public, as others have pointed out.
sorry you find it cringe babes we just love each other ❤️
Glad you and that person have a great relationship. I just think it’s fine and normal to use actual names as well.
I can’t be sure of the popularity of the opinion since I’ve never heard anyone talk about the subject online or in person.
I would, however, question whether or not one is more common than the other. Tiktok is a pretty bad place to judge reality from, and I can’t say I’ve ever been in a household where given names vs “pet” names were noticeably out of balance. Mind you, I was only in home health for maybe 17 years out of the total of twenty I was doing that work, so the sample set is smaller than it could be. Plus, that sample set leans hard to people that were over 50 and/or dealing with health issues, so that could change things too.
Anyway, the generic pet names weren’t something I experienced being used more than the “actual” name. Now, that includes variants of a name that would appear on ID, like an Elizabeth being called Beth, since many people prefer diminutives to their full given name.
Now, personalized pet names are pretty commonly used more than given names. Like, I used to date this really wonderful lady named Melissa. I would often call her my honey bee (which isn’t unusual for Melissas, since that’s the origin of the name), and she’d call me her teddy bear. So we never really used the generic ones at all, but the use of the personalized terms of endearment was still roughly equal to our given names (and we both use the full version of our names).
So, I can’t tell if your opinion is popular or not, but I’m moderately confident that using “actual” names is already normalized. It’s a common thing, and pretty much everyone I’ve known uses both pet names (generic or personal) intermixed with given names with at least approximate frequency.
It’s heavily because you call out to your SO a lot, and their full name is a mouthful.
Typically words like “babe”, “hun”, etc are the lowest effort pet name. The “b” percussive is one of the easiest to pronounce.
Usually this is simply to make communication faster and easier, “hun” is way faster to say than whatever their full name is.
This becomes do commonplace that after being together for many years, their full name is reserved for emergencies.
Like if you cut yourself or are hurt or whatever, you instinctually use their full name to grab their attention and alert them. (People alert to their full name way easier and can hear it better)
This results in producing an alarm “wtf?” response when you use it casually, it makes them whip their head up and their brain goes “is something wrong?”
Then when they realize the situation is fine, it becomes a sort of “you spooked me for nothing! Don’t!” result.
You effectively reserve the full name only when you are trying to get their attention.
It is common to use actual names and sweet names, and nicknames are common, as saying a full name is a little formal. I may use the full name when wanting to get the attention of my partner.
My ex and I exclusively used first names. That or “dummy”.
Some of it is personality. I call my wife by the short form of her name but I do that with pretty much everybody but she calls me by various things but she does that with everyone. Like she will call other women honey, hun, sugar, sweety, etc. So we both refer to each other the same way we do others.
Eh, for me typically petnames have been used in private, like at home, and actual names are used in public. Also, with my experiences, the pet names were usually more unique than “honey” or “babe” etc. It usually was generated from an inside joke or the like. Both endearing and slightly teasing.
Names like “Brandy” “Skit skit” “smidget” or “One step”
At my house we use regular names mostly.
The rest of the time is sarcastic names. She calls me “handsome” or “poo head”, for instance.
when i hear “honeyyyyy”, my immediate reaction is usually “oh they’re not real people”.
I always feel like I’m in trouble when my SO calls me by my name.
