Trigger warning: this could be upsetting

Shortly after graduating school, I hung out with someone I met once before and was raped and have some trauma in my background. It was aquaintance rape I guess? I barely knew him. There’s other bad stuff that’s happened that’s also horrifying, some of it worse than that.

I am biologically male and effeminate, but don’t want to have a female body. I don’t really feel like anything and sort of don’t care what people call me. I am slightly asexual just from trauma and don’t really feel like I exist in a way. It wouldn’t surprise me if I’m not around in another decade.

I support trans people, but feel like putting he/him next to my name sort of implies a more clear identity than I have or implies I care about how people label me. I don’t. I sort of barely exist and don’t like to imply otherwise. People can call me anything, I don’t care. I don’t see myself as female or a they or it. I don’t see myself as anything.

I almost want to go like (he/him/*) but I am afraid this would be disrespectful.

I truthfully would like to be (he/him/🫥/💀) which would obviously be seen as demeaning. I feel like anything other than normal parantheticals opens the door to a distracting conversation that I don’t want professionally and often don’t want personally. And I feel like nothing after my name is dog-whistle for trans-people-are-invalid.

(I don’t care about pronouns but support trans people) also seems disrespectful and sort of like “i want attention” and I really don’t.

I wish I could support trans people without having to label myself or my body or even bring up these topics. Is there a way to do that? There probably isn’t.

    • otp@sh.itjust.works
      1·
      6 months ago

      I’m sorry to have infuriated you, and I sympathize with your experiences.

      I know for a fact that your experience is not normal, at least where I live, and I think your hatred of all mental health professionals around the world is unwarranted. I know I won’t be the person to change your mind though.

      The reason I suggested it wasn’t “negative emotions” or being an “unhappy worker”, but the part of your original post that (it seems you’ve edited out) suggested potential suicidal ideation.

      There are some free or low cost talk therapy services, and not all of them will be “officially approved” by your government, which I think would be a selling point in your case. If you ever need help and don’t know where to turn, some of those might be of assistance. And I haven’t heard of any of them demanding your medical records before offering to help. I’m sure some of them are even anonymous.

      • notanaltaccount@lemmy.worldOP
        12·
        6 months ago

        OMG NO

        How would you know if my hatred of the mental health industry is valid? You haven’t lived my life or endured the hell I endured. They are ALL vile.

        • otp@sh.itjust.works
          2·
          6 months ago

          I didn’t discount your personal experiences or suggest that your feelings are invalid.

          What I said was that I think it’s unwarranted to extend your hatred to an entire group of people around the entire world (many of whom seek out the profession specifically out of a desire to help people) because of your experiences.

          • notanaltaccount@lemmy.worldOP
            22·
            6 months ago

            You’re wrong. It is entirely valid for me to think this.

            The entire profession is different labels for the same polluted over-priced tainted water, and even if people didn’t enter the profession to become controlling charlitans and grifters, the rules of the profession ensure that transmogrification happens sooner or later.