Wait. You mean to tell me treating a woman as a human instead of a prize to be had works better?
No fucking way.
I feel way too compelled to share. I got hit by teenage urges really hard. A girl I was into teased me only to reveal later that she thought I was weird, which I found out through friends. It felt crushing. I became a bit of an incel, but I eventually made a friend of the opposite sex. I deliberately shifted focus from desperation to simply existing in the moment. Someone enjoyed my presence sincerely and it repaired some of that shame weighing me down. I eventually met my would be wife and treated her like a friend until it was more than that.
That’s really sweet.
Showing genuine interest and caring about another person may get you a partner, who’d have thought it ~
“My girlfriend is also my best friend” is a thing you see often in healthy relationships.
🤯
Its always confounded me that, somewhere along the line, Simping:Spending time and money to let a stranger on the internet know you think she’s pretty and you likely see romance as transactional, got conflated with “Simping”: having the guts and sincerity to compliment a woman in-person, without reservation or expectation of reward.
Like, what? How did that become a thing?
Oh “why do good girls like bad guys” is one of those questions of the ages. It exists for many reasons, but the short list is:
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there’s a fine line between confidence and assholery solution: may you have the strength to change the things you can, the patience to endure the things you can’t, and the wisdom to know the difference. Once you trust your judgment in such things, act confidently on them, or at least try to look it.
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there’s a bunch of emotions that are neurochemically identical and that can often be misattributed as each other and “scared” and “horny” share most of the same neurotransmitters. Solution: go see a scary movie, go to a rollercoaster park, or do a physical activity together that involves cardio.
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daddy issues and other psychosocial toxicity that you probably don’t want anything to do with anyway. Solution: don’t put your dick in (or your vagina on) crazy.
Men are animals. Women are also animals. They usually get along better overall when they’re both trying to be mindful of that, both for their own sake and that of the other person.
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Extreme insecurity is a terrifying thing, so withholding and abusing as a form of control to distance yourself from the parts of yourself that are insecure is the “solution.” Then they stay in social spaces where it’s standard practice to reinforce this nonsense and bob’s your uncle, you’ve got an incel.
Figuring out how to be comfortable around people in a way that doesn’t isolate you is a simple idea to vocalize, but a pretty massive undertaking.
Figuring out how to be comfortable around people in a way that doesn’t isolate you is a simple idea to vocalize, but a pretty massive undertaking.
It’s a skill that develops with practice.
I think the change happened more quickly because of parasocial relationships, aka someone throwing tons of money and attention at a streamer/OF model and expecting reciprocated feelings.
People who recommend negging are evil.
People who recommend looksmaxxing are quite morally questionable because they’re trying to turn dating into a socially darwinistic battle royale, which i guess is in response to the proliferation of dating apps, which they perceive as a socially darwinistic battle royale, in roughly their own words. They also outright lie - no, not everyone likes hunter eyes or sunken cheekbones, tallness, even skinniness, or bulky muscles. This feels like a war against human diversity. And in many cases they pretend these looksmaxxed features just naturally appear when you lead the perfect masculine routine of icebaths, red meat meals and frequent workouts. Which is a lie. (I think stuff like this is why there are articles saying ‘exercise culture is fascist’)
But back to negging: not only is this encouraged by a plurality of random young people online, but it’s weirdly also pushed hard by hollywood & american television - anyone else noticed that?
And negging is ALSO endorsed by, that’s right, none other than Jeffrey Epstein. He had a bunch pf emails going “wow, dude, your negging advice totally works! She wants me more than ever!” So yes, it’s safe to say it’s actually evil. Part and parcel of training people to objectify their partners (so is looksmaxxing, because to objectify yourself usually causes you to objectify your partner)
Rant over.
People who recommend negging are evil.
I see people read “negging” on a spectrum from “playfully tease someone you’re interested in” to “ruthlessly abuse someone you consider your inferior”. And one of those is a lot more evil than the other.
And negging is ALSO endorsed by, that’s right, none other than Jeffrey Epstein.
Cause he read it in the same book that everyone else did.
I swear, the actual original material - the biography of a guy who goes out and lives with a bunch of California douchebags, learns how to navigate the nightclub scene, and comes out of it thinking much less of the community than when he went in - is one of the most damning indictments of the PUA community you’ll find.
But because people can’t seem to get past the third chapter… It’s like hearing someone say Hunter S. Thompson loved the Hell’s Angels.
What the hell is negging?
The ACTUAL meaning of negging is not ‘teasing,’ but:
- say/do something to imply you’re not attracted/interested in them
- eithee lowers their self esteem til they’re “at your level,” or
- it supposedly gives them a burning desire to be desired by you, to rise to that challenge
In this sense it can be seen as a toxic extension to the “playing hard to get” concept.
It was pushed by american media and by pickup artists/ later by manosphere influencers
Saying shitty things to people to make them feel bad about themselves so they will lower their standards enough to fuck you. The kind of thing only an incel could come up with.
Not quite. Negging requires you to say something nice while saying something mean. Negging isn’t just “You’re too ugly to fuck”. It’s balancing compliments with negative connotations to build and break down someone at the same time.
“You have really pretty eyes for someone with hair like that”
“Wow, your workout routine seems really intense for something who looks like they barely eat”
“I love your makeup! I bet it took you hours to cover what’s underneath”
Basically, negging is using backhanded compliments to make someone feel good while also trying to tear them down. You say something nice that makes them feel good, but then say something that makes them feel self-conscious about something else. Very effective narcissistic tactic if used properly which is why the manosphere promotes it. If someone with limited self confidence is met with negging, sometimes they tend to lean into the compliment and use that as a drip of self confidence that they may not get and lean into the person saying it, regardless of the negative addition to it.
I think stuff like this is why there are articles saying ‘exercise culture is fascist’
Probably plays a part of it, but the main reason why is because fascism has always been obsessed with aesthetics, individualism, and the concept of übermenschen. Much of our modern health & wellness industry is focused more on aesthetics than actual health outcomes. A lot of it can be traced directly back to the eugenics movement in the 1920s.
Shit, probably the best dating perspective on this greentext community in a long time.
A LOT of guys here would pretty much say “Yea, it’s bad, but that’s just how human brains work, we are wired a certain way, heard mentality, blah blah blah.” and that shit does not sound right. Glad you are combating that
Also yea, fuck negging
A LOT of guys here would pretty much say “Yea, it’s bad, but that’s just how human brains work, we are wired a certain way, heard mentality, blah blah blah.” and that shit does not sound right. Glad you are combating that
What I never get about this is…does not your very existence refute this argument? If you’re a 20-something male and convinced that your genetics just doom you forever to celibacy…how exactly do you explain your own existence? Unless you are the result of a rape, you, by definition, have the genes necessary to attract a partner. After all, everyone in your family line prior to you managed to do it. If your genes were so incredibly bad that literally no one would want you as a partner, then your parents would have never gotten together, and you wouldn’t exist.
No one springs forth fully formed from the brow of Zeus. The very existence of an incel disproves incel theology.
What I never get about this is…does not your very existence refute this argument? If you’re a 20-something male and convinced that your genetics just doom you forever to celibacy…how exactly do you explain your own existence? Unless you are the result of a rape, you, by definition, have the genes necessary to attract a partner. After all, everyone in your family line prior to you managed to do it.
Yep that’s a good point and basically should be the ‘white pill’ to cure inceldom. I imagine people believe dating has crashed in contemporary times, departing from the established conventions and regressing to a tech-fueled version of the primative default humans worked with prior to civilisation beginning.
As such, they chalk their recent-most ancestors’ genetic success down to people ‘playing by the rules’ of dating, but that everything prior to that is down to this animalistic default mode they support.
That doesn’t necessarily hold up though. A ceasar salad is delicious. So is pistachio ice creme. The result of mixing the two however…
Sure, but the features incels obsess over are almost always features their own father possesses.
I remember being about 6 years old and having the thought that I wished my dad had chosen a partner with less stubby toes. It probably took another decade and a half before it hit me how fucked up that was.
I don’t even know why I thought having unstubby toes would make a difference to anything. To make it more ridiculous, I have a birthmark on one foot that used to make me so self conscious that I kept my feet hidden from everyone until college. Who did I think was going to see my feet and reject me?
An incel could make the point that the internet changes the calculus, or that “ugly” people can be born to “beautiful” parents, or any other number of counterpoints.
You can’t use logic and reason to argue someone out of a conclusion they have arrived at for emotional reasons. Lots of men and boys have been socialized in a really bad way, which makes them unappealing partners. Realizing, accepting, and working to change that, is extremely hard. Instead, with “bad” genetics, then the failures aren’t actually your fault, and you don’t need to change.
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but it’s weirdly also pushed hard by hollywood & american television - anyone else noticed that?
Yes! A lot of american humor is based on tearing someone down. I cringe thinking back into my childhood when I participated in this type of behavior but thankfully i’ve stopped a long time ago. Still saddens me that a lot o people just don’t mature out of it and keep behaving like this.
Also fuck negging and all the garbage that comes out of the manosphere. Bunch of insecure man babies
Draw her a little portrait the next day
It’s been so long since I’ve seen or heard a Napoleon Dynamite reference in the wild
Second-to-last line sounds like she introduces her boyfriend to anon. But anon seems happy about that, so good for them!
Anon is a homewrecker and stealing the girls boyfriend is all part of his master plan to be fake and gay
The real answer is that only works sometimes. Different girls like different things, and no matter how hot or nice or cool or rich you are, some girls will just not be into you. Women are individuals, it’s not a hard concept.
i just wish more would actually say no instead of saying “thanks” or something neutral like that
i can take rejection but thanks comes off like “eh. maybe, but you seem kind of lame/weird”, which in my head becomes a challenge to show them your not lame. which is a thin line between trying to convince them to give you a shot vs being pushy/creepy, if that thanks was meant as a “no thanks”.
as an autist, it frustrates me when people don’t just say what they mean.
I get it though, even if only 1% of men react violently to direct rejection, it makes sense to be careful. Not a lottery you want to play.
So much of dating dynamic feels like it’s just been ruined by a few assholes, and the internet giving those assholes more reach only exacerbates it.
I feel really bad every time I have to reject a man, and wow, they really learned to have a way with words.
I don’t think its just a few assholes. Men react badly to rejection REGULARLY, to the point that every woman I know has been threatened or screamed at by men they have rejected kindly. I’ve even witnessed it happen on several occasions with strangers and to my friends and have had to step in. And not just a few times, like I can think of ten times at least where I’ve had to involve myself when seeing something like that happen.
With the amount of random attention from men women get, the rate doesn’t have to be very high for it to be regular, particularly when you add selection bias that people who react like that are probably more likely to approach someone in the first place.
And while I would agree it’s probably higher than 1%, 1% really sounds lower than it is - that would be 40 million people globally. If it’s 5% it’s 200 million and there are still almost 4 billion that are completely normal.
The sad reality is that it just doesn’t take high numbers for that kind of experience to be a regular occurence.
Hell, even in healthy relationships. I noticed my husbands mental health was getting rough, so I tried to bring it up. He got so defensive so fast, tried to flip it on me when he got panicky.
We talked that incident out, but people seem to generally just get defensive about sensitive things all the time, like reflexively. Unless you’ve done extensive inner work, it’s how it goes. How many avoidants walk this earth christ
Yes my wife does similar things to me when I do that with her. I can also think back to times where I’ve been overly defensive about things I’m insecure about. But none of those were related to women wanting to be with me.
Yes, but they do that because men freak out and threaten them when they just flatly say no. And it’s terrifying when that happens. It’s not them being rude of flaky or obtuse to try and be annoying, rejecting a man is potentially dangerous and they are in the shitty position where they have to mitigate that danger.
Exactly, and you have to remember what the context of the game theory were, picking up women in crowded bars. What works there, and on the subset of both men and women that goes to those places, will not always work in other settings with other people.
true true!
what if the whole thing of turning insecure and mentally challenged men into the worst they could be was an elaborate ruse form the start ? to reduce the amount of competition
Probably not specifically to reduce the competition.
The sad fact is that insecure and desperate men are easy to manipulate into paying you money in the hopes that it’ll give them a better chance at finding dates. Online dating was unfortunately doomed to be like this from the start.
It is an elaborate ruse. But not to reduce competition, it’s to just turn young men into angry unstable individuals which can be used for nefarious purposes. We have literal evidence of it happening with Gamergate and there’s some evidence those young men may have just helped get Donald Trump elected in his first term.
When people are angry and lonely they can be easily coopted for stuff, you just offer them a community and an outlet for their rage and they are yours to do as you want.
Doesn’t explain the tactic of calling anything they don’t like “gay.”
IME, that was entirely socially accepted in the early 00s. So it’s less “why are they doing it”, and more “why did they keep it up when society at large has moved on”.
it’s what the worst version of themselves would say
being homophobe makes you unattractive to most girls
oh. or they were not part of the competition to begin with
I had to google negging and am surprised to say it is slightly less digusting than what I expected
Nice Pepe
