Historically, fascists (fascisus microdickus), were deep-forest dwelling creatures that would seldom leave their nests except when foraging the nearby land for tobacco or Mountain Dew. In some rare cases, you could catch them gathering lots of copper wiring from old houses for reasons that are still unknown to this day.

Several years ago, it was discovered that there were huge subsidies given in secret to communications companies to provide cheap internet to this developing species. It was assumed that the swift influx of non-baised and healthy information found on the internet could propel these people to heights in society that would have taken them years to do otherwise.

Unfortunately, due to unforseen consequences of a programming error mixed with a substance called jeebus, a condition erupted where they could only answer questions with vague sentences like “Obama gunna take yer guns!” and “You can’t tell me whut to do!”

In a flurry of screeching, they suddenly coalesced into a single gelatinous mass of Skoal, high fructose corn syrup and Budweiser.

In the past, we have been able to stop these things with a well placed nuke or several million pounds of high explosives. I am afraid that since they have been able to establish control over some large wildlife related cable networks, they have been able to target our most vulnerable with the threat of higher taxation rates. This is spiking a huge de-evolution trend like we haven’t seen in years.

It may be too late to do anything now.