• Badabinski@kbin.earth
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    10
    arrow-down
    5
    ·
    3 months ago

    do you mean polyamory? polygamy is where only the man gets to have multiple partners, and it usually comes with lots of abuse and misogyny. polyamory is sick tho, speaking from experience.

    • Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      15
      arrow-down
      1
      ·
      3 months ago

      not sure where you got that from, quote wikipedia:

      “Polygamy (from Late Greek πολυγαμία polygamía, “state of marriage to many spouses”)[1][2][3][4] is the practice of marrying multiple spouses. When a man is married to more than one wife at the same time, it is called polygyny. When a woman is married to more than one husband at the same time, it is called polyandry. In sociobiology and zoology, researchers use polygamy in a broad sense to mean any form of multiple mating.”

      But i did find the term “polyfidelity” which is very precise to what i want, "a type of non-monogamous, relationship in which all members are recognized as equivalent to the other partners and comply to restrict sexual and romantic relationship activities to exclusively only other members within the group. "

      • Norah - She/They@lemmy.blahaj.zone
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        8
        arrow-down
        1
        ·
        3 months ago

        I mean yeah, it means marriage to multiple people, which is illegal in most of the world. Polyamory is having multiple relationships.

        • Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de
          link
          fedilink
          arrow-up
          3
          ·
          3 months ago

          and marriage to multiple people is effectively what i want, i want as many partners as we can make work all “married” to each other.

          Obviously it’s not tremendously simple to manage, but that’s the ideal. In reality you’d presumably have varying degrees of people being into each other but as long as everyone’s fine with it and no one feels limited by the group fidelity it’s fine.

          • Norah - She/They@lemmy.blahaj.zone
            link
            fedilink
            English
            arrow-up
            9
            arrow-down
            1
            ·
            3 months ago

            Personally, thanks to polygamy’s history and recency to current times, yes, I think being married to multiple people is a bad idea. I’m for keeping it illegal until we can be sure it won’t be used like that again. I don’t think now is that time.

            • Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de
              link
              fedilink
              arrow-up
              1
              ·
              3 months ago

              i really don’t like that reasoning, that sounds way to close to the reasoning used to make gay marriage illegal.

              Who are you to decide whether i get to marry the people i love?

              • Norah - She/They@lemmy.blahaj.zone
                link
                fedilink
                English
                arrow-up
                4
                arrow-down
                1
                ·
                3 months ago

                And I don’t think it’s valid at all to compare the two. Polygamists were never “oppressed”, they were the ones doing the oppression (of their wives).

      • Badabinski@kbin.earth
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        4
        arrow-down
        1
        ·
        3 months ago

        I live in Utah where we have a relatively high number of polygamists, and they’re all shit heads. My girlfriend works with a woman who was raised in a polygamist environment, and that lady went through some horrible trauma. Polyamory is the umbrella term that contains what you want, and it’s best to stick to it so that modern polyamory isn’t associated with groups like the FLDS or cunts like Warren Jeffs. Polyfidelity is more or less what my girlfriend and I practice with her other partner, so I totally understand the appeal. I’ll say that I do wish multiple marriages were possible, since it’s effectively what we want in the long run. We’ll probably have to approximate it with some form of contract or corporation.

      • luciole (he/him)@beehaw.org
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        2
        ·
        edit-2
        3 months ago

        You are technically correct. However, “polygamy” as become strongly connoted towards cultish, radically patriarchal communities in which a man subjugates several women in an abusive relationship. If you actually want to be understood without fuss, “polyamory” will get your point across much more smoothly. All resistance to the haphazard evolution of language is futile.

        • Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de
          link
          fedilink
          arrow-up
          2
          ·
          3 months ago

          the problem is that “polyamory” at best doesn’t specify the group fidelity bit, and at worst actively implies relationships outside the group as well. And the group fidelity is a fundamental requirement for me.

          but yes like i said, “polyfidelity” is a better term for what i’m talking about, which i will now use since i’ve learned about it :)