I’m a dude, but I frequently browse BadWomansAnatomy. I was having a (calm, respectful) debate with a few users regarding how a lot of people that have “transitioned” still bear hallmarks of their former gender (I mentioned one of my long time friends who has gone from MTF and still looks the same. Kaitlin and Elliot are also good examples). The ban was because I dared to use the “dead names” of Elliot Page and Kaitlin Jenner! Oh the horror! 😱

I went to post in /r/rant how I just thought it was ridiculous and it was autoremoved because I mentioned the world “mod” in the title and I mentioned a specific community 🤣

  • PhlubbaDubba@lemm.ee
    315·
    8 days ago

    Yeah no you brought that shit on yourself.

    • First of all, trans women actually show lower T levels than cis women because they’re literally taking medicine that blocks its production, and yes, cis women do produce testosterone too, just not from testicles. So whatever nonse you think you’re able to clock trans women with, you’re probably accusing cis women and being a real douche about it too.

    • Second, dead naming is genuinely just a dick thing to do even outside the presence of the person in question, because you’re fundamentally saying that you care so little for someone that you’re not even going to respect their preferred form of being addressed, which like, why would ya go out of your way to be that asshole. You’re being that guy who insists on calling Tim Timothy all the time, why would you be doing that except to get under Tim’s skin? Stop being that guy and just call him Tim like a normal person who doesn’t need to have basic manners and zero effort good human behavior explained to them.

    • Third, so you’re admitting outright you broke community rules and are still thinking the post in question being removed is unfair? I’m not normally a fan of powermodding but bro that’s not an excuse to be mad that you faced consequences for breaking the rules in broad daylight.

    • pete_the_cat@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
      11·
      3 days ago

      I can understand calling someone their dead name to their face, I never call my friend Sarah Andrew, because I respect her wishes. These are celebrities that are definitely not going to see this and people are getting pissed off about me referring to someone else. Respect is earned, not given freely. I don’t give a fuck if it’s Bradley Cooper, Brad Pitt or Kaitlyn Jenner. It’s like me referring to John Wayne (the actor) as Marion Morrison (his real name) and people flipping shit. Get a fucking grip people.

      Hate speech is one thing, but apparently differing opinions aren’t welcomed though, regardless of how they’re stated.

      • PhlubbaDubba@lemm.ee
        11·
        3 days ago

        Ok but it’s not like that. John Wayne is a stage name, you’re arguing against referring to trans people by their adopted legal name. It’s still being a dick, yes even if you swear that you totally have trans friends.

  • southsamurai@sh.itjust.works
    182·
    8 days ago

    I mean, did you intend to dead name them? If not, did you correct yourself?

    Because if you did it intentionally, you’re an asshole. If you did it by mistake because you brain farted, but didn’t correct it, you’re an asshole. You did use the right names here, so I ain’t mad. But let me frame things for you.

    If you went through the effort of changing what people call you from your first name to your middle name, anyone refusing to switch would be an asshole. Doing it if you were struggling with something major related to that name would make them a giant asshole.

    IDGAF who it is, if they aren’t picking a name just to fuck with people, you fucking call them what they want to be called, period. Anything else is just douchebaggery.

    Now, when you add in that dead naming trans people can be an act of aggressive verbal attack to trans people as a whole, the person doing so isn’t just an asshole, they’re a bigoted asshole.

    Is that who you want to be? The person that fucks with people just trying their best to live a free and happy life? If that is who you want to be, I have to warn you that reddit is not the only place online you’ll end up barred from. And there are people that will treat you poorly because of being an asshole. Actions have consequences, and words can be a form of action. While I support your freedom to say what you want within the framework of general legality regarding incitement, that doesn’t mean anyone has to accept that kind of thing and let you spew nastiness.

    So, take the ban like an adult. Accept that you fucked up enough for the community, and use that in the future to really think about the subject and decide who you want to be.

    • pete_the_cat@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
      11·
      3 days ago

      There’s a huge difference between referring to a third party as their “dead name” and calling someone their dead name" to their face. I would never refer to my friend Sarah as Andrew, but people are getting pissed that I referred to a celebrity who won’t ever see it. It’s like I referred to John Wayne as Marion Morrison (his real name) and people call for lynching me in the street.

      • southsamurai@sh.itjust.works
        1·
        3 days ago

        There is a massive difference between a stage/screen name and the name a person chooses for transition.

        The fact that you don’t realize that is why you ended up banned.

        The fact that you’re still trying to make them the same same thing is why you’re an asshole.

        See, it’s about the way you think and act. The choice of ignoring a person’s name points right towards a disrespect of the fact of the person’s transition.

        Now, mistakes happen. I’ve dead named friends during the early stages of transition, it takes time to train the brain to new names. But, and this is the important part I recognize the mistake, fix it and work harder.

        Even with a stranger like an a actor, respecting a name chosen for transition shows respect for the person, and for trans people in general. Refusing to correct a mistake is the same as refusing to use their correct name in the first place.

        Nobody is calling for lynching you, though I am aware that was hyperbole, not literal. I’m not even saying you need your ass beat. I’m saying that the way you’re thinking as evidences by the things you’re saying in public is douchey. The behavior you related in the post is ban worthy, if not corrected.

        Again, there is absolutely a difference between calling John Wayne Marion and calling Eliot Page Ellen. If you don’t understand the difference, that’s okay. I will be glad to try and help you understand that difference, no bullshit.

        And there is some minor difference between dead naming a person to their face and doing it in private. But you didn’t do it in private. Again, if you don’t see the distinctions involved, I am willing to try and help you see it.

        You fucked up. We all fuck up. It’s what we do after that really matters.

    • Tregetour@lemdro.idEnglish
      21·
      5 days ago

      So, take the ban like an adult. Accept that you fucked up enough for the community, and use that in the future to really think about the subject and decide who you want to be.

      I see this patronizing, judgmental language everywhere on the internet, and I’m pretty tired of it. OP is right to be annoyed.

      Here’s an intelligent question: Why is R*ddit a place where every little infraction, real and perceived, attracts the account death penalty?

      • pete_the_cat@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
        1·
        3 days ago

        I literally just got permanbanned from BadWomansAnatomy because I made a joke comment saying “as a guy, I appreciate the change” when a woman said she switched from jeans to yoga pants as her daily clothing. My account is 11 years old, I have only ever been banned from two subs, up until about a few days ago when I have received two warnings (one on my main account and one one my porn account) a temp ban, and now a permaban.

        The IPO has really made them super heavy handed in controlling what is “acceptable” because they gotta keep that money flowing and keep the board happy!

      • southsamurai@sh.itjust.works
        11·
        5 days ago

        Well, if you are seriously defending someone dead naming people on purpose, nobody worth a damn cares about your opinion.

        To answer your question, there’s two parts. First, it doesn’t matter where it is, shitty behavior means you aren’t allowed back. Reddit, lemmy, your house, my house, a bar, you ignore yr rules you get thrown out and not allowed back in.

        Second, reddit is reddit. The site/company has been like that for ages, so anyone acting surprised by it are idiots, and anyone still using it when the company has repeatedly shown they will do exactly what op described is a masochist and/or an idiot.

        Now, you can be as tired of it as you like, we don’t owe each other a gods damned thing. But OP was a moron, and deserved to be out on their ass. Any rational adult is aware that words have consequences. Any rational adult knows that if one breaks the rules of a community, one will be rejected from that community. This is not calculus, it’s 2+2. So, when an adult does something bone headed and gets ejected, they need to be an adult and move on without whining about it.

        Also, it wasn’t a very intelligent question. It was phrased poorly, and reflects limited thinking. That, btw, is patronizing and judgemental as well ;)

  • RightHandOfIkaros@lemmy.worldEnglish
    115·
    8 days ago

    Yeah, Lemmy is way more politically left than Reddit, this post isn’t going to last very long here.

    Like, the average Lemmy user is a Linux Obsessed Trans Communist that works in IT. Any user that is outside of that is most likely a minority on Lemmy. If you thought Lemmy was going to be less politically charged, I am sorry to say you won’t be finding less politics here than on Reddit.

    • rabberEnglish
      173·
      8 days ago

      Lemmy has zero chill even if you are a leftist, it’s like zero fun to post here, I tend to just lurk

      • RightHandOfIkaros@lemmy.worldEnglish
        71·
        8 days ago

        I think whats frustrating is that when the Great Migration was happening from Reddit, people telling Redditors to go to Lemmy were advertising it like a place that was more politically neutral than Reddit. So when people come over expecting that kind of community only to realize they were lied to, that makes it very frustrating.

        I know thats what happened to me when I first learned about Lemmy, and it was not fun. I don’t post political stuff, but I thought I wasn’t going to keep seeing it everywhere. My feed is like a ghost town now though, because I just instantly ban communities or users I see posting that stuff. I don’t care, I don’t want to see it. Yall can talk about it without me.

        • rabberEnglish
          42·
          8 days ago

          Same thing happened on my old account, no content after blocked everything that annoys me. Don’t want to hear about how much you hate cars in every single thread, it’s boring

          Other problem is no matter what you post it gets downvoted, and that’s why when I get access to reddit again I’ll bail on lemmy because there’s no chance of it growing. This is like leftist 4chan and it’s tiresome to post here; never going to get new people this way

          • Zahille7@lemmy.world
            22·
            8 days ago

            Honestly you hit the nail on the head with the “leftist 4chan” bit. I’m not someone who chases up votes or anything, but I do like when I see my comments resonate with other people and get the “agreement vote.” That doesn’t happen here.

            Especially in the gaming communities of Lemmy the users are so hateful towards literally any upcoming “AAA+” game that gets posted about. Like you can’t even say you think something looks fun without a bunch of people just coming to downvote you or give you shit for daring to announce that you’re excited for something new.

      • NESSI3@lemmy.sdf.org
        43·
        8 days ago

        It is so true. As an old school progressive I tend to point out the aspects of modern leftism which clash with traditional progressive views and I usually get downvoted into oblivion. For example I’m not tolerant of Islamic societies that force their women to cover their faces. Well I was quickly informed that I was islamophobic but I’m not going to be bullied into changing my view under the guise of respecting other culture’s beliefs. Just because a belief is cultural does not make it righteous.

        The other day I told a user to stop needlessly censoring language in response to them stating that someone’s post title was misogynistic and demanding them to change it. The offending title had the word bitch, used the same way Jesse Pinkman used it in breaking bad. It wasn’t directed towards women in any way and the use of the word was synonymous with the word punk. Apparently that gets your post removed and your account banned on hexbear’s politics channel. How can we overcome our differences if we’re not even willing to talk about them?

      • RightHandOfIkaros@lemmy.worldEnglish
        4·
        8 days ago

        I mean more that it was going to get downvoted and OP might delete it themselves, I wasn’t really talking about moderation in this particular community, which does a pretty good job from what I have seen.

        • rabberEnglish
          33·
          8 days ago

          Yeah downvoting doesn’t help change someone’s opinion it just makes them angry lol, that’s why lemmy will die

    • Mwa@thelemmy.clubEnglish
      1·
      8 days ago

      Like, the average Lemmy user is a Linux Obsessed Trans Communist that works in IT.

      Wasn’t reddit similar but insane and toxic people

    • Victor@lemmy.world
      22·
      8 days ago

      the average Lemmy user is a Linux Obsessed Trans Communist that works in IT

      Come on. Stop exaggerating. First of all surely that has to at least be limited to certain communities. Secondly, how can the “average” person be such an extreme? Like, what are the outliers in that sample data?!

  • dustyData@lemmy.world
    43·
    8 days ago

    Remember what lemmy users say of the people on reddit that they tried to get away from by coming to the fediverse? It’s you, you are that people.

  • rabberEnglish
    712·
    8 days ago

    It’s not really any better here, you are already being mass downvoted for this valid criticism

    Censorship here is worse than reddit I think even, I ragequit deleted my lemmy account a whille ago and I’m only back because I can’t use reddit. Lol. I will probably just evade the ban after my ISP gives me a new ip

    • pete_the_cat@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
      2·
      3 days ago

      I was just permanbanned from BWA because I dared to make a joke comment saying “as a man I appreciate the change” when a woman said she switched from jeans to yoga pants as her daily wear 😂

    • LadyMeow@lemmy.blahaj.zone
      112·
      8 days ago

      Valid criticism? Using deadnames and putting “transitioned” sure ok.

      Also hard to say they are being censored when you know, downvotes aren’t censorship. You might be anle to say what you want but that has consequences. Kinda sounds a little like op might have earned their ‘downvotes to oblivion’ or whatever

      • pete_the_cat@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
        1·
        3 days ago

        God forbid people use technical/biological terms that have been in use for decades! Oh the horror 😱 People seriously need to get a fucking grip if they can’t handle the word “transitioned” or referring to a third person as their dead name.

        • LadyMeow@lemmy.blahaj.zone
          1·
          3 days ago

          Now you’re just being disingenuous. Its not because you used transitioned, you used “transitioned”, and calling people by… their deadname? Come on, take the L and admit you don’t care about or respect trans people.

      • rabberEnglish
        23·
        8 days ago

        Oh by censorship I mean the amount of mild comments I had removed on my old account here