• Stalinwolf
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    8 months ago

    I’d say not to waste your time on girls who play these kinds of games. That’s a weird question to ask your S.O. no matter how you swing it.

    • EvolvedTurtle@lemmy.world
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      8 months ago

      Not always My gf is bi and will actively send me pictures of models of characters calling them hot and asking if I think they are It’s pretty nice to have a gf that you can actively call people hot too

      • Stalinwolf
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        8 months ago

        I suppose I didn’t consider swinging it from that angle.

        • radicalautonomy@lemmy.world
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          8 months ago

          You could swing it into a reflex angle by considering that such a question is quite normal in polyamory (not throuples triads specifically). I tend to date women who are bi or pan, and we’ll regularly bring up people we find attractive. Hell, I had a partner go up to a bartender to give her number to her once while we were out on a date. It made me smile to see her shoot her shot like that!

      • Sombyr@lemmy.zip
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        8 months ago

        I’m bi and every relationship I’ve had was like this. Drooling over people and characters together is just something I like to do in relationships. It’s a fun bonding activity. Plus it’s weirdly good for my self confidence for somebody to be drooling over somebody else who even I know is hot as fuck but they still clearly want to be with me more.

      • DarkThoughts@fedia.io
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        8 months ago

        Bit of a difference when you’re in some sort of open relationship. I was more thinking maybe closeted cuckquean but even then it’d be a stupid thing to do.

        • exocrinous@startrek.website
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          8 months ago

          Why does everyone in straight society act like closed relationships are normal and have to make an exception for poly relationships? That’s so weird.

          Also I’m not in an open relationship if you think open relationship means what I think it means.

          • DarkThoughts@fedia.io
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            8 months ago

            Because they are? The absolute majority of all relationships are monogamous. How is that even a question? lol Do you go about this when trying to date too? Do you just not say that you want to fuck around with other people, expecting them to just accept it anyway? Because that’s called cheating. If you want to have a non monogamous relationship, then you have to make that clear right from the start, discussing all boundaries that come with it to which both / all partners can agree upon. Anything else, again, makes you a cheater.

            • exocrinous@startrek.website
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              8 months ago

              What the everliving fuck. Of course I ask all my partners to give consent before I add someone new to my polycule. Every single time. Do you add new people to your polycule without consulting your partners just because they’re polyamorous? That’s cheating.

              I don’t have to “tell” my partners I’m poly, because I don’t cheat. If you think you can just tell your partners you’re poly and then date whoever you want, you’re wrong and that’s a dangerous belief. Please never tell anyone else that polyamoury works like that, because it doesn’t. I’ve had to educate far too many partners who thought like you and would have cheated on me if I hadn’t been careful to establish explicit boundaries.

              • DarkThoughts@fedia.io
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                8 months ago

                Congrats on completely avoiding the point I was making. You’re outright telling someone you’re poly, because you know the expectation is that you’re not, because it isn’t the norm.

                • exocrinous@startrek.website
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                  8 months ago

                  No, I’ve actually only ever had two partners who were monoamorous by default. The first two. Everyone afterwards immediately knew I was poly without having to be told. And was poly too. I mean I would have asked them to consent to being metamours with all my existing partners anyway so definitely no cheating since you brought that weird point up. But if you’re now deciding the point is people’s assumptions, everyone I know assumes people are poly. If someone in my circles is monoam they actually have it listed in their bio so everyone knows not to flirt with them.

                  Sounds like I just have gayer friends than you do and you’re assuming everyone is like your boring friends.

                  Do you even have any otherkin friends?

                  • DarkThoughts@fedia.io
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                    8 months ago

                    Everyone afterwards immediately knew I was poly without having to be told.

                    I guess you’re all mind readers huh?

                    If someone in my circles is monoam they actually have it listed in their bio

                    Why would they do that?

                    Sounds like I just have gayer friends than you do and you’re assuming everyone is like your boring friends.

                    The fuck does that even mean?

                    Do you even have any otherkin friends?

                    Do you even do therapy? Jesus fuck. You’ve gotta be trolling.

                • intensely_human@lemm.ee
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                  8 months ago

                  Decent point, but I also think it’s good to explicitly discuss monogamy as well. Even if you don’t use that word but only say “are we in a relationship”, it’s good to define the moment when the exclusivity begins.

                  For example I’ve had one date with a woman, and she was busy on my second attempt. I’d love to see her again but I’m unsure whether I will. Would I be a cheater if I went on a date with another woman right now?

                  • DarkThoughts@fedia.io
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                    8 months ago

                    If you didn’t enter a relationship with them, then it is not technically cheating. However, if you really like them to a point where you’d like to be in a relationship with them, then the decent & morally right thing would still be to wait with dating other people. This is similar to people who just broke up. You’re expected to still have emotional feelings to your former partner and while you’re technically single now it would still be very weird if you’d just hop onto the next person because it questions the honesty behind your feelings for said person. It’s simply decency, not just towards others, but also towards yourself. Either way, in your example I would at the very least communicate whether they’d be okay with you dating other people if you’re at a point where there’s clearly something going on between the two of you.

          • where_am_i@sh.itjust.works
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            8 months ago

            Statistics, original meaning of a romantic relationship?

            It’s been called open marriage or open relationship for a reason. Because the default assumption was it’s not. There’s even that weird term “cheating”.

            Everyone acts like monogamous relationships are normal because they are. And polyamorous relationships are an exception. You’ll have to deal with it.

            • exocrinous@startrek.website
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              8 months ago

              They shouldn’t. Lots of people don’t even know polyamoury is an option, and they’re groomed from early childhood to understand relationships as exclusive and to get jealous. That’s a toxic culture. It’s okay to have complicated and difficult feelings, that’s part of being human, but it’s not okay to pressure children into sharing those feelings as they get older.

          • Hathaway@lemmy.zip
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            8 months ago

            Because that’s the social and societal norm. Regardless of how progressive a lot of the issues have been/are.