Police closed off a road for two days to investigate a report of a dead body dumped in woods - only to find out it was a discarded sex doll.
Warwickshire Police said it was with “great relief” that the hand and foot spotted poking out of undergrowth turned out to be an inflatable love aid.
The force said it had followed “proper procedure” by sending a forensic pathologist to the woodland near Kineton, and cordoning off a country lane for 31 hours. But the suspected body was actually a “discarded and realistic life-size doll”, a spokesperson added.
Police chief: Alright gents what’ve we got here now.
Officer 1: Well, we recieved a call from a man who spotted a woman’s hand and foot sticking out of some undergrowth in the woods over there [points in general direction]
Police chief: Right, and I see you’ve already cordoned off the area, and called in the forensic pathologist. Excellent. [turns to pathologist] So what else can you tell me about the victim?
Forensic pathologist: What, me? Oh no, I haven’t had a look. Sounds a bit morbid.
Police chief: You didn’t even make sure it was a dead person? What’ve you two been doing here for the last 30 sodding hours?
Officer 1: Well you don’t have to raise your voice. We’re standing right here.
Police chief: I know you’re standing right there, that’s the problem!
Officer 1: I don’t know why you are so angry, Chief. We didn’t do anything!
Police Chief: barely contained panting
The police felt “great relief” with the sex doll you say.
Bake em away, toys!
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Wait, nobody bothered to verify it was someone dead?
That’s the dumb part. You check to see if the body is dead. Jfc.
“No pulse, no breathing, no cranial nerve reflexes – this woman is quite obviously dead.”
Looks surprised by her death too
Someone slapped her on the back when she was making that face.
Honestly, though 31 hours seems a bit excessive, I don’t blame them for being cautious. If it was a body, they’d be smart to document everything in the area and carefully navigate so as not to contaminate the crime scene. Lots of important evidence could be destroyed by someone just walking up and moving the body.
I’d rather them be careful and thorough with what turns out to be a sex doll than be callous and clumsy with an actual body.
They could have just poked it with a damn stick of they were so confused, geez.
This is why you should always carry an inflator and patch kit, duh.
Inflatable… So it wasn’t even a super realistic doll, just a cheap inflatable one. JFC, poke it with a stick or something if you’re that damned blind.
i hope they’re able to find justice for the sex doll, it deserved better
This is why you recycle your gently used sex dolls
You can always use them as a pencil holder
It took 31 hours to figure that out? Honestly. Other than killing ethnic minorities, what exactly do the police do?
(Don’t tell the cops I said that; I don’t want to die.)
Other than killing ethnic minorities, what exactly do the police do?
That overtime isn’t going to rack itself up you know. Besides, who else is going to keep the donut shops in business?
Did it have Ursala written on it?
Ah. I guess I’m the asshole.
"When they finally dragged the ‘corpse’ out they realised the blunder. The officers had a big laugh about it. It was a very dirty, broken and overused sex doll.”
Um, ewww?
It’s a weird way to run a Turing Test, but I guess this was an expanded android version?
Well, that’s fucked up.
I guess this time it really was a “mannequin”
at least it wasn’t a wild boar
