As a kid, I learned to “pause” my true self. School was the pause, and my hobbies, dreams, and passions were the unpause—something I’d rush back to during lunch or after class.
Over time, the pauses got longer. Tiredness and responsibilities crept in, leaving little energy to unpause at the end of some days.
At work, sometimes the pressure and the demands were so relentless that I couldn’t unpause for weeks or months at a time.
Then came marriage, fatherhood, and the joy—and work—of raising a child.
I want my son to get to know the real me but I worry that by the time he is grown I won’t have any “self” to unpause to.
Hey there, fellow tired and paused Dad!
I felt every word of what you said, and my advice for you is what I’m learning to tell myself every day.
Just let your freak flag fly, my friend.
There’s a cynical way to look at this. Nothing means anything, and there are no more rules anymore. We’re on the Titanic worrying about about which forks to use and whether we’re wearing the right shoes for dinner. Eat with your hands and wear clown shoes!
And there’s also a positive, constructive way to look at this. Whatever we’ve been doing, as a culture, as a generation, isn’t working. Maybe a generation of dads (and moms and all other people) pausing themselves hasn’t been good for us. Be the weird, awesome, thoughtful guy you seem to be, and your son will probably do the same. We’re not the hope for the future, but our kids are, and they deserve to see the unpaused us.
What have you paused? Pick up that old hobby. Remember your passion. Start over if you have to. Be a kid with your kid and figure out what you want to be when you grow up.
I don’t mean to preach. I’m mostly talking to myself here. But I wish you the best.
golden comment. Doubly bookmared See you space cowboys!
How, when you have no energy and time?
Yeah, I don’t really know the answer to that. I may have misread OP’s question. I took it as a “how do I get back to the me that’s under all the adult garbage?” when maybe it’s more about not having time or energy to find themselves.
I don’t know how to answer that question, except to say we can always find ways to be better, more authentic versions of ourselves. From the clothes we wear to work or the music we listen to in traffic, to the conversations we have during dinner and the ways we talk about shows we’re binging.
Maybe there’s no time to add anything new, but we probably have the ability to make the time we have more expressive and more meaningful.
Dunno, man. I’m working it all out for myself too. Good luck to you.
Re-evaluate what you actually need. Almost everyone can free up time and energy from stuff they shouldn’t actually care about, but do care because of societal or familial or whatever pressures.