PS: I’m leaving you three cookies this year, one of them is chocolate, one is a laxative and the other is filled with cyanide. And the milk has a surprise in it too.
santa feeds those to the reindeer. so enjoy the poop and puke on the roof next to a dead reindeer. three blocks over, you’ll find the wreckage of where they crashed into a building because they lost rudolph.
That’ll teach him to play favorites with the reindeer.
Louise!?
Santa gets an intern obsessed with ML:
“Santa! Do you realize that naughty kids tend to grow up to have children who also end up on the naughty list? I looked into it, and it actually correlates with a bunch of things like the parents’ health, income, ethnicity… who their friends were in high school… I think we’re judging kids for being born into circumstances beyond their control! Santa, what do we do?”
“Hm. Did you say you could build an app to accurately predict the naughty/nice status of a kid based on basic demographic information? Build it. I’m going on vacation.”
Santa forwards his mail to his associate Krampus
Dear Santa
Why the fuck are you giving gifts based on who fits your definition of “good” and not just gift the poor starving children food regardless of if you think they are “good” or “bad”? Ya cunt.
Sincerely, a non-believer, because reindeers aren’t birds lmfao
