Was banned from [email protected] for calling out a Mod’s misuse of the Egg prime directive to criticize trans people for helping out trans women in denial of their trans-ness. They’re denying the validity of signs of being transgender, what the actual fuck, this shit is not okay. Then after banning me that dipshit locks the post so no one else can reply on it. How is this not power-tripping?
Modlog history for my account: https://discuss.online/modlog?userId=11993717
Can you all stop downvoting the OP? Please?
OP, you probably already the stuff that I’m going to say; I’ll share for the sake of others.
Here’s what I believe to be the first part of the comic from the OOP (it seems to have been deleted):
TL;DR of the “Egg Prime Directive”: “the fact that trans people have an unspoken agreement not to tell people who are questioning their gender whether or not they are trans.”
Now here’s my take: YDI.
We humans do the same things for different reasons. And we should not be assuming why someone else does it.
That’s one of the aspects of the egg prime directive, and the mod is simply acknowledging it - that the only person who perhaps knows why that AMAB kid is playing as a girl character is the kid themself. (Or why the AFAB kid is playing as a boy character.)
The other aspect is that, even if the person happens to be trans, you don’t break an egg open from the outside; instead you keep the egg warm and the nest comfy. You don’t deny it, but you don’t confirm it, you make sure that the person feels loved regardless of their identity.
So no, the egg prime directive is not some “vague ass ideology”, as you called it. It has good reasons to exist. Not following it does more harm than good.
Beyond that: yes, you were enforcing gender stereotypes. And yes, you were rude and hostile.
I also think that the 2d “chill your head!” ban was appropriate.
Well, upvote the thread, downvote the comments.
That mod was denying the validity of the signs of being trans, and they’re not even trans themselves. Does it really seem appropriate to take advice from a cis person about what it really means to be trans?
I know that I reacted strongly but the fact is they really should not be a mod there, they’re hiding behind the Egg prime directive to deny the experiences of real trans women because they think our stories about coming out are forcing gender stereotypes.
Also that mod very clearly overstepped by locking the post so no one else could criticize him for his invalidation of transfem experiences of being eggs and the signs we didn’t see. Is that okay and justified for him to be able to silence people like that?
Please, don’t misgender the mod. They identify as agender, not cis. This should be respected, even if you disagree with them.
The “core” of the advice comes from someone who’s trans, Cassie LaBelle. The mod just applied it to this specific case.
And even if the mod wasn’t from another group of people who, just like you, are also marginalised because of their gender (or lack of)… well, what matters is what is said, not who says it.
I’m cis, mind you. I’m talking about this here because it’s how this comm works: you share something, then others say if they think that you, the mod, both, or neither are right. (And because I have trans friends who often talk about stuff, I hope I can relay their views a wee bit.)
Correct me if I’m wrong, but from your comments it seems that people were actively denying that you were trans, for a long time. What the mod is doing is something else entirely; they are not saying “your experience as a trans woman is invalid!”, they’re saying “everyone has different experiences”. What was a sign for you might not be for someone else, and vice versa.
I’d probably do the same - it’s a 3m old post, it had lots of activity, but the new activity is being combative.
If they genuinely wanted to silence you the ban wouldn’t be just two days.
That person seems like one of those toxic assholes who misgenders people on purpose and is okay with forcing gender stereotypes onto people even if it means misgendering them for what they believe to be some greater good. I think they probably should’ve gotten a permaban, not a temporary one.
That mod said on more than one occasion that he was a femboy and he’s used he/him pronouns to describe himself. I’m not misgendering him just because he chooses to sometimes call himself Agender but almost never really refers to himself that way. If he actually is I’m really confused since most Agender people aren’t also femboys.
When people haven’t lived the experience they won’t have accurate knowledge on the subject of the trans experience, and shouldn’t be telling other people whether signs are valid of being trans or not. Signs are valid and can identify someone being trans before they identify it themselves.
Cassie seems to support the idea that many trans people need help, that they are terrible at listening to their inner voice. She even craved it herself. I don’t think this helps that mod’s cause, if anything it just shows how bad what he’s doing is.
That mod is denying the validity of signs off being transgender, and saying they aren’t signs. In a community dedicated to breaking out of denial and recognizing that one is trans. I have been invalidated a lot and I’ve been in fierce denial, people shouldn’t have to live through that, they should be helped out.
I also don’t think the mod was trying to silence me specifically but any criticism of his words. Maybe he didn’t want to call negative attention to himself and get removed as a mod for permanently banning a trans woman from a trans community, he still banned be though, and he locked the post so people can’t criticize him for saying those awful invalidating things.