I’ve had hemorrhoids for like 25 years, so I’ve always been very discerning about my toilet paper.

this entire time, I’ve been using whatever toilet paper I have found to be the softest as facial tissue, to blow my nose, as well. my reasoning being, if this stuff is gentle enough for my hemorrhoids, of course it’s going to be gentle enough for repeated use on my upper lip.

then, a friend turns me on to one of those new “with lotion” facial tissues (my bathroom tissue always has aloe in it) and wouldn’t you know it, my upper lip finds it to be softer than the toilet paper. but, when I try using it as toilet paper, my anus doesn’t find it to be less irritating than the toilet paper.

why do my butthole and my upper lip think that different things are softer? is it just chemistry?

    • angrystego@lemmy.world
      6·
      2 months ago

      There are also cheap specialized squishy water bottles with little shower-like hooked ending that can be used as a bidet if you don’t want to bother with insalling a real one.

      • HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.worldEnglish
        7·
        2 months ago

        it takes 15 minutes, $20 for all the parts, a t splitter, a wrench and teflon tape to install a bum hose if you’re that hard up

          • HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.worldEnglish
            4·
            2 months ago

            yeah sorry my FIL poured canola oil in his car ignition because his key got stuck once and was coming over to do it to mine. Like, not even WD40, which I would have expected from his generation as the all purpose lubricant. I tried to introduce him to graphite powder, but it didn’t take.

            I forget y’all exist sometimes.

            • RisingSwell@lemmy.dbzer0.com
              3·
              2 months ago

              When I got my key stuck in the ignition I turned it hard enough the metal part of the key twisted a lot. At least it didn’t damage anything not already broken.

              I’ve worked on my own car 4 times, started 1 fire and 1 almost fire.

              I’ve stopped working on my own car now for related reasons lmao

    • phx
      5·
      2 months ago

      I actually just use the cold even in my own bathroom. A bit of frosty water cools the O-Ring after a meal with a biiiiit too much hot sauce, or when that slight lactose-intolerance flares up.

      But the heated seat on a good quality bidet… that’s amazing

      • HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.worldEnglish
        2·
        2 months ago

        I’ve had too many cold nights in winter where you wake up in the middle of the night, pinch a quick loaf, and then scurry off to bed. Now, with warm water, it’s nice and cozy and next minute you’re like a fuzzy numble all snuggled up in a big cozy cinnamon bun back in bed still asleep. Cold water, well, there’s these nights it’s winter and the dead of night and suddenly your pucker screams ¡Ooo! ¿what temperature is that? well it’s gonna take an hour to get back to sleep now.

        I do not miss those winters