Fuck how alerts are implemented. Anything less than a tornado does not need escalating alarms. Especially Amber alerts - because it’s always “look out for this car!” If I’m driving, it is illegal for me to look at the phone. If I’m not driving, I’m not gonna see the fuckin’ car unless it crashes through my front window. At which point, I’d like to think, I’d call the police anyway!

Nevermind that I’m in Florida, a fuckoff-massive state. I’m down in the glans. I’ve been rudely awakened about a kidnapping up in the grundle. I hope they sent those messages to people in Nashville, because they’re just as close to Tallahassee.