I’ve heard of people who have complained about trans people showing up in their dating feed, mixed in with the cis population, being labelled as “transphobes” and harassed, but good to know that we’ve overcome that.
The point of a feed is to literally show what you want. If someone wants to fake their age, gender, or wealth for a chance of sliding into someone else’s DMs, just to get caught and retaliate by projecting it back on them as the bad person, then that person is a literal psychopath and I hope it doesn’t escalate.
The point of a feed is to literally show what you want.
So the algorithm behind the feed is to blame when you get bad suggestions. Btw: showing only perfect matches makes people spend less time on the app and therefore they mix in bad suggestions deliberately. Blame the profit motive.
If someone wants to fake their age, gender, or wealth for a chance of sliding into someone else’s DMs, just to get caught and retaliate by projecting it back on them as the bad person, then that person is a literal psychopath and I hope it doesn’t escalate.
Because when someone has not selected a category for their feed, but that category appears in it, it means those mismatches are appearing because of intentional deception, hoping it works. That’s deviant behaviour. And when someone blows a whistle, they should not be the one punished for it.
How is that not relevant to the situation in that original comment? We just making exceptions now?
No, it was primarily about non-cis in cis. This whole post isn’t about trans people. Whether that be <insert any non-cis thing here> or whatever, it only occurs because of a) mistake or b) devious action. The point of that comment was raising how those that call it out are ridiculed instead.
As I said, this applies to anything; age, gender, backstory, images, etc. You specifically focusing on trans people makes no difference in whether it is less wrong. That is just the theme of the same behaviour, pick whatever theme you want, that is not the point and it shouldn’t be glossed over, “Oh, it’s fine for this group but not others.”
I still don’t get it. Are there dating apps exclusively for cis people? Do non-cis people write into their bio that they are cis? Is this a thing that people explicitly say they are cis while they are not?
Or is the problem that cis normative people assume, the other is cis for no reason other than it’s the supposed default?
One of my friends asserted that they went into a shop in Paris and the staff were speaking in English but switched to French when they saw English tourists walk in, just to be rude to them. They felt harassed because some French people were speaking French in France and wouldn’t believe me when I suggested that they were probably speaking in French before they walked in. They were adamant that they were speaking English at first. Strangely they couldn’t recall anything that the staff had said in English or even the topic of conversation. English is so dominant in their life, even when abroad, that it takes them a while to adjust to the reality that someone else isn’t like them and they take it personally.
This is like that. Someone goes on a dating app, didn’t realise a girl was trans, didn’t spot it in their bio, then got nasty with them. When they got called out for their nastiness, they did the turn-the-tables projection thing, and after harassing a trans person, claimed to have been harassed, and then went online to complain about how bad the harassment is from the trans community.
Partly. A feed is typically a set of rules showing you only your interests and filtering out everything else, and within this subset you then go about choosing.
Ideally we would not only have “women\men\bi” categories, but also “orthodox (cis only)\regular(mixed)\frisky(trans only)” categories. Otherwise, we might run into the problems which Saltesc describes, now that being trans is becoming more commonplace.
There needs to be space for everybody (or “everybody whom I don’t mind” depending on who you ask, sad lol), but while choices always have some consequences, we need to be careful that our freedom of choice doesn’t become another’s choice of freedom. I think trans people are (sadly) very well acquainted with this.
Calling the trans-only category “frisky” is certainly a choice. Let’s keep it to “all/non-cis/non-trans” and we can avoid cisnormative language altogether.
You’re perfectly entitled to not want to have sex with anyone based on any criteria you choose. Your body, your choice.
You are not entitled to filter transgender wo/men out of a “wo/men” category, as to do so fundamentally implies that they are not wo/men.
Now, if we’re talking about allowing people using dating apps to filter based on finer grained criteria, I’m all on board. If you choose to match with women, then trans women and cis women should all be captured by that filter. But if they add the ability to filter down to “women AND afab people” where all criteria must be met, then you can have your desired category.
But if we are going to do that, then I’d ask to also have a category to filter out people who have filtered out transgender people, because as a transgender person that’s obviously not gonna work. And many non-trans queer folk may want to also filter out people who filter out trans people, since queer folk tend to have a much more open approach to gender in dating in my experience and that’s not so compatible with someone who doesn’t.
Buuuuuuut… Dating apps don’t care about letting users filter down to such a granular level, because a large portion of their business model relies on people swiping for ages to find people that meet their criteria (or! Buy our premium package and unlock better filters! Which won’t work very well because people haven’t filled their profiles in to that degree!). So you’re probably stuck with trans folk in your feed, and they’re stuck with you. Lose lose.
Also, no human being is obligated to share what their assigned gender at birth was with any dating app. So even if we had these filters, a bunch of cis folk are probably just going to mark themselves as their gender, and a bunch of trans folk are gonna do the same(especially as outing yourself as trans can be horrendously dangerous in some situations), and neither will mark down their assigned gender at birth. And then the “assigned gender at birth” filter is gonna be somewhat worthless to the people who want to use it.
So maybe the best option is just to keep swiping past people who you think are unattractive (which might include some trans people).
Whether someone’s life and identity is fully involved with society’s labels and categories or not; when participating in society, they gotta play by its rules for the sake of everyone that isn’t them. Though, of course, they’ll still be subject to condemnation by those that prey on the opportunity to deliver it.
In reality, those people are as “phobic” as anyone clicking the BBD category and getting hentai vids popping up instead. It’s not what they’re into and it’s not what they came there for. Breaking those categories and labels is intentional deception that will result in no reward and only harm. It is in no consideration of others and who they are, for sake of potential and unlikely self-gain. It is entirely self-centered to fake something and lie, in hopes of taking advantage of other people. This is exceptionally cruel in a psychosocial environment, especially a sexual one. And then to play a “phobia” card, it’s a predatory move.
I’ve heard of people who have complained about trans people showing up in their dating feed, mixed in with the cis population, being labelled as “transphobes” and harassed, but good to know that we’ve overcome that.
Isn’t the idea of the dating feed that you can choose whom to date and whom to ignore?
The point of a feed is to literally show what you want. If someone wants to fake their age, gender, or wealth for a chance of sliding into someone else’s DMs, just to get caught and retaliate by projecting it back on them as the bad person, then that person is a literal psychopath and I hope it doesn’t escalate.
So the algorithm behind the feed is to blame when you get bad suggestions. Btw: showing only perfect matches makes people spend less time on the app and therefore they mix in bad suggestions deliberately. Blame the profit motive.
While this is true, I don’t see the relevance.
Because when someone has not selected a category for their feed, but that category appears in it, it means those mismatches are appearing because of intentional deception, hoping it works. That’s deviant behaviour. And when someone blows a whistle, they should not be the one punished for it.
How is that not relevant to the situation in that original comment? We just making exceptions now?
The original comment was about trans people in the feed, not about people lying about their age or gender or what ever.
No, it was primarily about non-cis in cis. This whole post isn’t about trans people. Whether that be <insert any non-cis thing here> or whatever, it only occurs because of a) mistake or b) devious action. The point of that comment was raising how those that call it out are ridiculed instead.
As I said, this applies to anything; age, gender, backstory, images, etc. You specifically focusing on trans people makes no difference in whether it is less wrong. That is just the theme of the same behaviour, pick whatever theme you want, that is not the point and it shouldn’t be glossed over, “Oh, it’s fine for this group but not others.”
I still don’t get it. Are there dating apps exclusively for cis people? Do non-cis people write into their bio that they are cis? Is this a thing that people explicitly say they are cis while they are not?
Or is the problem that cis normative people assume, the other is cis for no reason other than it’s the supposed default?
Exactly.
One of my friends asserted that they went into a shop in Paris and the staff were speaking in English but switched to French when they saw English tourists walk in, just to be rude to them. They felt harassed because some French people were speaking French in France and wouldn’t believe me when I suggested that they were probably speaking in French before they walked in. They were adamant that they were speaking English at first. Strangely they couldn’t recall anything that the staff had said in English or even the topic of conversation. English is so dominant in their life, even when abroad, that it takes them a while to adjust to the reality that someone else isn’t like them and they take it personally.
This is like that. Someone goes on a dating app, didn’t realise a girl was trans, didn’t spot it in their bio, then got nasty with them. When they got called out for their nastiness, they did the turn-the-tables projection thing, and after harassing a trans person, claimed to have been harassed, and then went online to complain about how bad the harassment is from the trans community.
Partly. A feed is typically a set of rules showing you only your interests and filtering out everything else, and within this subset you then go about choosing.
Ideally we would not only have “women\men\bi” categories, but also “orthodox (cis only)\regular(mixed)\frisky(trans only)” categories. Otherwise, we might run into the problems which Saltesc describes, now that being trans is becoming more commonplace.
There needs to be space for everybody (or “everybody whom I don’t mind” depending on who you ask, sad lol), but while choices always have some consequences, we need to be careful that our freedom of choice doesn’t become another’s choice of freedom. I think trans people are (sadly) very well acquainted with this.
Calling the trans-only category “frisky” is certainly a choice. Let’s keep it to “all/non-cis/non-trans” and we can avoid cisnormative language altogether.
You’re perfectly entitled to not want to have sex with anyone based on any criteria you choose. Your body, your choice.
You are not entitled to filter transgender wo/men out of a “wo/men” category, as to do so fundamentally implies that they are not wo/men.
Now, if we’re talking about allowing people using dating apps to filter based on finer grained criteria, I’m all on board. If you choose to match with women, then trans women and cis women should all be captured by that filter. But if they add the ability to filter down to “women AND afab people” where all criteria must be met, then you can have your desired category.
But if we are going to do that, then I’d ask to also have a category to filter out people who have filtered out transgender people, because as a transgender person that’s obviously not gonna work. And many non-trans queer folk may want to also filter out people who filter out trans people, since queer folk tend to have a much more open approach to gender in dating in my experience and that’s not so compatible with someone who doesn’t.
Buuuuuuut… Dating apps don’t care about letting users filter down to such a granular level, because a large portion of their business model relies on people swiping for ages to find people that meet their criteria (or! Buy our premium package and unlock better filters! Which won’t work very well because people haven’t filled their profiles in to that degree!). So you’re probably stuck with trans folk in your feed, and they’re stuck with you. Lose lose.
Also, no human being is obligated to share what their assigned gender at birth was with any dating app. So even if we had these filters, a bunch of cis folk are probably just going to mark themselves as their gender, and a bunch of trans folk are gonna do the same(especially as outing yourself as trans can be horrendously dangerous in some situations), and neither will mark down their assigned gender at birth. And then the “assigned gender at birth” filter is gonna be somewhat worthless to the people who want to use it.
So maybe the best option is just to keep swiping past people who you think are unattractive (which might include some trans people).
Whether someone’s life and identity is fully involved with society’s labels and categories or not; when participating in society, they gotta play by its rules for the sake of everyone that isn’t them. Though, of course, they’ll still be subject to condemnation by those that prey on the opportunity to deliver it.
In reality, those people are as “phobic” as anyone clicking the BBD category and getting hentai vids popping up instead. It’s not what they’re into and it’s not what they came there for. Breaking those categories and labels is intentional deception that will result in no reward and only harm. It is in no consideration of others and who they are, for sake of potential and unlikely self-gain. It is entirely self-centered to fake something and lie, in hopes of taking advantage of other people. This is exceptionally cruel in a psychosocial environment, especially a sexual one. And then to play a “phobia” card, it’s a predatory move.