There’s a small panel in the ceiling of a small closet in an upstairs bedroom. Open and squeeze through it and I’m in the attic space. Need to use my cell phone flashlight because it’s pitch black up here.

Walk across the joists to the far end and carefully lift away the insulation between the joists.

Use my phone and order a bunch of shit from a bunch of apps to be delivered to my house. Turn off the phone in case the agents can track me with it. Carefully lay on the drywall, distributing my weight across as much of the panel as possible to reduce the risk of breaking through into the room below. Cover myself with the insulation I pulled away earlier.

Now these foreign agents are going to have to find that ceiling panel, climb up in there, search under insulation to find me, wrestle me through that tiny access hole and whisk me away. All the while there are Uber drivers and pizza delivery guys showing up. And that’s all suspicious as fuck, so someone’s going to call the cops before long. If these are foreign agents, they probably don’t want to deal with law enforcement.

So I figure I need to hide under that insulation for maybe twenty minutes before shit starts getting crazy.