Sauron now knows everything about second breakfast, elevenses, luncheon, afternoon tea, dinner, and supper.
I love that idea of a divine being of primordial evil downloading all that bullshit and thinking “MAKE IT STOP”.
“Still, it’s better than what I got from Gollum!” shudders
Especially true since you just know that at some point Gollum must have fucked a fish.
He likes them raw and wiggly.
Sauron might have shown up at Morannon personally to faceroll everyone into oblivion before Gollum had time to fall into Mt. Doom, but he was too busy having second breakfast to attend.
“Second breakfast! These hobbits are onto something!” nom nom nom
“I haven’t eaten since the second age. I bet lava makes fantastic barbecue. Get that deep sulfur taste. Divert a river into the mines, I’m about to invent lox.”
What about midnight snacks?
Late, late in the night, the hobbits gnawed on midnight snacks. Even Sauron knows them not.
Sauron now knows 40 ways to cook potatoes…
This is the reason he fucked up the shire; not because he knew a hobbit had the ring. “Fuck that furry-footed fuck.”
Pippin: “I’m gonna be honest with you, Gando my man, I’ve been pretty blazed since we left Moria. I found some strange orc leaf in the caves and it hits harder than farmer Maggot when he catches you stealing his mushrooms. I haven’t the faintest idea what’s going on anymore. Hey, where’s Boromir?”
– /u/MidvalleyFreak
