• Jo Miran@lemmy.ml
    55·
    10 months ago

    Once you hit 45+ all remaining “give a fucks” disappear and dating becomes much easier. This is a gender agnostic statement.

    • ChowJeeBai@lemmy.world
      13·
      10 months ago

      True. As you age, you realize more that you need to find a compatible, complimentary partner, rather than one you destroy yourself to please/ complete.

    • Stupidmanager@lemmy.worldEnglish
      10·
      10 months ago

      Inspired. I’m in the 45+ arena and just divorced after a number of decades together. I was worried about it until I realized that I (male) did all the cooking, cleaning and paid most bills. I paid for vacations, kids school events, groceries…. Even parenting was lopsided.

      So my first date was just this tidal wave of insights into the shit I put up with. The gal just offered to have me come over and cook for me this weekend. I know she’s not the one, but damn does it feel good to just have someone else care.

  • MrJ199414@lemmy.world
    34·
    10 months ago

    I got out of a 10+ year relationship a couple years ago and got to say I’m content on my own. Tried like four dating sites and realized I’m happier by myself.

    • expatriado@lemmy.world
      16·
      10 months ago

      wife of 12 years left 3 years ago, i haven’t even try a new relationship, and if i do, i am afraid the next one will have to deal with my breakup ptsd and newly acquired trust issues

      • kofe@lemmy.worldEnglish
        18·
        10 months ago

        Those are perfect concepts to bring up in therapy. You deserve it, expatriado

      • Baphomet_The_Blasphemer@lemmy.world
        9·
        10 months ago

        Wife of 11 years left 5 years ago, every time I even think of maybe dating again I’ll play around on an app or site for a few days, and I’m scared right back into wanting to stay single.

    • vampire@lemmy.world
      71·
      10 months ago

      I got out of a 7 year relationship about 8mo ago… thought I was gonna marry her, she cheated on me. I’m not content on my own, and life feels completely pointless alone. I am literally never not thinking about how miserable I am. Did you experience this? When did it get better?

      • Tingle@lemmy.world
        2·
        10 months ago

        Its been over 10 years for me since something extremely similar happened. I’ve never really gotten over it. I want to be in a relationship and connect with someone again but I find it impossible to keep anyones interest of people on online sites and while I have been on a few dates over the years they haven’t gone past more than a few dates before fizzing out due to anxiety and trust issues on my part.

        I feel throughly scarred by my ex’s actions, they have faded over the years but my trust has never really returned.

        I’ve tried therapy and it helped briefly but has never had a lasting effect and I’ve ended up in a cycle every few years of retrying to meet people then backing out before anything lasting can continue as in my head it will just end up in me being hurt again.

        I’m desperately lonely and have fallen into a prolonged sadness that almost never leaves, not really sure where i was going with this, I hope the same doesn’t happen with you.

        • vampire@lemmy.world
          1·
          10 months ago

          Honestly, it’s not gonna be 10 more years of misery for me cause I’m not gonna stick around for it. I’ve been deeply depressed for about 20 years and I’m probably gonna call it long before that if you know what I mean.

          I also feel scarred by my ex’s actions. How can someone watch you build your life around them, make every decision with them in mind for nearly a decade, and then impulsively discard you the second they want attention from someone new? Just to add insult to injury, she manipulated me to keep me providing for her for months under the guise that she was trying to repair the relationship when she was really just trying to work out a seamless escape route. The constant stress fucked my mind to the point that I lost my job 2 weeks after she left. Still unemployed and too depressed to even begin looking for another one.

          Just makes me realize that there’s nothing anyone can do to secure their future. There’s a lot we do to give us a feeling that our future is safe, but it never is. That’s not even really my main problem… I genuinely don’t think it’s possible for me to be happy. I don’t think my soulmate is out there.

          • TheBluePillock@lemmy.world
            2·
            10 months ago

            There’s a lot we do to give us a feeling that our future is safe, but it never is.

            Learning to accept this seems like a normal part of growing older, but man is it rough - especially when the wounds are fresh. Therapy helps. Experience also helps: you survived it once so you can do it again. We can’t make ourselves 100% safe and it’s genuinely terrifying when you really feel it.

            But believe in yourself. When you’re ready, you will find ways to feel content and fulfilled. Maybe you work through your trust issues and meet someone new, maybe you don’t need to because you have other things in your life that make you happy.

            I’ve done both at different times after having the rug pulled out from under me at least twice now. The third time was almost a blessing because I’ve been down this road so much. It was like a chance to start a new chapter and find more parts of life I haven’t yet lived: new hobbies, new friends, and so many things to learn.

            So this isn’t some generic platitude. It comes from sitting in the same place you are now. The only real security is your own ability to get back up and start again. You don’t have to want to. Just know that you can and will when you’re ready.

          • Teppichbrand@feddit.de
            1·
            10 months ago

            I am in a much more lucky place than you seem to be, still I feel what you are saying. I try to imagine the incredible hardship and suffering previous generations had to face. We’re still the lucky ones. That helps me sometimes to appreciate basic stuff. Plus eat 3,5g of magic mushrooms, maybe. Let them blow your brains out.
            (Disclaimer: I’m not a native speaker, if any of this sounds offensive I apologise. I’m writing this only with good intentions.)

  • notepass@feddit.de
    28·
    10 months ago

    Meanwhile me just starting out dating at 29 because I just now feel like a person who is grown enough for a relationship: “Ah bollocks”

    • GrymEdm@lemmy.worldOP
      151·
      10 months ago

      I’d say what decides if dating is good or not is if it improves your life more than it takes away, and that can happen at any age. I’m 43, but when I was in my 20’s to mid-30’s I did a lot of dating, and I preferred (by a good margin) the stuff after 30 or so. The part of people’s brains that handle jobs like reasoning and good decisions don’t stop physically maturing until mid-to-late 20’s. So people may literally, physically think different before and after 25ish.

      Anecdotally, dating after 30 was just nice because I got to skip some of the crap. I found partners that were content to live life at my speed. Not every date having to be an all-nighter in a club etc.

      • notepass@feddit.de
        4·
        10 months ago

        Yeah, I have my lower age cutoff at like 26 because of this and have no issues going up to 32. I am just not up for childish shit in a relationship and hearing some stories from other dudes what happened in their younger relationships, I might not have skipped the worst time.

        I hope I find someone who does improve my life (and me improving theirs!). I want something where everyone gives what they can without burning out and everyone being better off for it.

  • Matriks404@lemmy.world
    12·
    10 months ago

    What do these people do if they are 25 and tired? I am 28, and while not being very fit (slightlt above normal BMI) I feel pretty good physically and mentally.