This is an interesting question. In my opinion, romance, true romance, is built over time through consistent effort. Nobody truly loves someone the moment they see that person. Anyone who thinks that they fell in love at first sight, well, I call that puppy love. It’s the kind of “love” that middle school children engage in.

I think that distinction doesn’t get emphasized enough. And all the romance movies that glorify “passionate love” aren’t helping. If you were to ask me, true love is what’s left after the passion has died out. I know some people describe it as being like a best friend. I won’t necessarily say that it’s wrong, since it’s a pretty close approximation. But I don’t think that’s the full picture.

Have you ever lived with a roommate? A lot of it is about balancing each person’s wants and compromising. A lot of it is about forming a strong system of habits that won’t anger the other person. Who does the dishes? Who takes out the trash? Who keeps track of groceries? What do you do if the other person is upset? Even down to simple things, like what to do if you and the other person can’t agree on what to eat. If you had a roommate at any point in your life, you’d probably understand what I mean. Having an SO is essentially like that, but much harder, because you’re sharing many more things than with just a roommate. In my opinion, true love is about aiming to set up that equilibrium where both people enjoy living with the other person.

To summarize, if you were given a choice between living with your SO or living alone, and you end up preferring to live with your SO, then I would consider that true love.