Hey, when this came out a lot of people really liked them.

Don’t look back in anger.

Re: the old folks home - sometimes people do volunteer singing groups for entertainment. If you like singing and are halfway OK at it (or at least sound good in a group), I recommend it if you find the opportunity, and like the kind of music old people may enjoy (I dig the Kingston Trio hard now, which was a wildly unexpected turn of events).

To this day, one of my favourite memories was doing one of these shows with an audience member going off about banging dudes under the boardwalk after we sang “Under the Boardwalk”, smoking banana peels, and all sorts of things that made her my favourite person over 70 (sorry Grandma).

The day it got legalized in Canada, all of a sudden 95% of the paranoia I could get from weed magically disappeared.

The remaining 5% was the “I’m relatively sure that, in spite of this never happening, I am going to die of a heart attack today because I smoked a strong sativa**”)

*Maybe it actually has happened, idk.
*inb4 “Actually pretty much all weed these days is hybridized to the point that sativa and indica aren’t really useful categories that you can map onto acute effects”. I know, I really just mean the racier stuff that is commonly, if problematically, called sativa.

I really need to try it again with a guide, I want to see the wild shit after that first damn level.

Pro soda/beer can pipe tip for those reading a local backup of Lemmy during the apocalypse: if your knife is stuck in a dead raider and you need a toke, you can snap part of the can’s pull tab off to make a puncture tool.

Don’t forget to get that knife back though, fr. Actually maybe go do that first, but still do this rather than use a bloody knife. Hygiene, man.

First, I’m sorry you had to experience this - it’s one of the lowest lows available, and while I may wax poetic about getting on the other side of stuff like this, that doesn’t make it a less shitty place to be.

If you need more time, take that time and do so without any sense of guilt. A month really isn’t that long. I do think it would be worth having a thorough discussion about that, ideally in a safe space like a counselor’s office. The question that I would want to ask is “When you say that you have grown, what exactly do you mean? I don’t see what you are talking about when you say that.” Talk about what you’re seeing re: her actions at this stage, and how that meshes up with her saying she has grown and is doing the self-work she needs to do. Think about what actions you need to see to continue with this, and tell her explicitly. Ask her anything else you feel you need to know at this point - personally, if you need more time I’d explicitly say it will not make a difference re: you taking more time, as it may encourage more honesty in the answers.

After having the discussion, taking more time, and revisiting, you may find she’s taking actions that you need to see. You may not. You may find she’s taking actions, but not enough to actually make you feel like you can continue. You may feel it doesn’t actually make a difference to you. If that’s the case, it is worth considering what you want out of your life and relationships, and if she actually fits into that. Sometimes the best thing really is to go your separate ways - there’s some kinds of growth that’s best accomplished as a single person.

Best of luck - if you want to talk more about this or need an ear, please feel free to shoot me a PM. I’m not always quick to respond, but I will respond. One of the most painful things about this experience is how fucking lonely it can be. If you have good friends in meatspace, lean on them, but I also know can be a bit taboo to talk openly about the feelings that come up depending on your friend dynamic.

Hang in there. Together or apart, it can get better. It may take much longer than you’d like, but better nonetheless.

Thank you. It was certainly not an easy decision, but I like to think it was right one. Even if our relationship ultimately ended, at least I would be able to tell myself that I tried. Luckily, we tried - imperfectly, uncomfortably - and we’re still here.

Thank you for the kind words!

Thank you, I appreciate that.

I wrote something a little while back on here, in many ways related to this, that I still take to heart. Hope anyone reading this and relating can take something from it, so I think it’s worth sharing again.

Genuine sorrow hurts, but my god if it isn’t a fascinating and powerful state. It’s 100% transformative, in a good way, if you allow it to be. Sorrow and the journey back, imo, is a vital trial in human development, all the more interesting because it’s truly universal. The risk is so hardening yourself against pain that it’s detrimental, the prize is a deeper capacity for empathy.

To love, and to lose, and to find your way back to love again - it doesn’t feel this way in the slough of despond, but on the other end and with some time it’s a beautiful thing.

Some opinions as someone who has been on the other side of this:

1. Recognize that if she decides to not divorce you, from now on, no matter what you do, how much of a new leaf you turn, etc., there will always be at least a little bit of doubt about you. That feeling when you find out you’ve been cheated on by a long-term partner never quite goes away - it gets smaller and less nagging, but never completely disappears. If you want to stay with your wife, you’re gonna have to accept this.

My discovery happened almost a decade ago. I would have been well within my rights to dump her ass and never talk to her again, but I didn’t. I thought it was at least worth trying to stick around and see if we could work things out before doing that, given we made that whole “till death do we part” oath and were still breathing. She was not owed this - I did that for me. Things are better, and we are in a much, much better place than we were. Still, this pops to mind at least once a day, and has every day since it happened.

2. Go see a couple’s therapist yesterday - first, to create a venue where she can express her feelings about all of this, what she wants to do, and what she needs; next to start having an open, 100% honest discussion about where your head is at and behaviours, and finally to start shopping tools for completely transparent communication going forward. Treat this seriously and pay fucking close attention.

3. Follow this up with some therapy for yourself - very few people choose to cheat because they’re loving life. Start identifying where you need to work your own shit out. Again, take this deadly seriously. Encourage her to do the same.

4. 100%, no exceptions, complete and utter honesty and transparency going forward. She wants to see your phone? Hand it over. She wants to know where you’re going/what you’re doing? Tell her, with proof. She wants you to have a tracking app? You download that shit. She wants the nastiest details about what the hell happened? Do warn her you’re concerned it will hurt even more, but if she wants to hear it anyway you tell her. By dint of your actions, you’ve lost your right to both be in the relationship and keep a self-defined level of privacy - if you don’t like it, start looking at divorce. If you two start healing, the need for this kind if stuff may start to diminish as the level of trust comes back up.

5. Check in with her, often. How she’s feeling, what she needs, etc. Pay attention, respect it even if it involves something that may hurt you emotionally. Do NOT throw shit in her face - keep in mind, YOU’RE the one who fucked up, and who now wants to move on with her as your partner. She just discovered her husband did one of the shittiest things a spouse can do to someone they claim to love. It’s a very different experience.

6. You could do everything right, do all the therapy, open communication, working on yourself and the relationship you want. If she decides that she can’t do it, she can’t. Recognize this. Accept this. She doesn’t owe you shit.

Not gonna lie to you man - you have a tough row to hoe. I will say, with time and a shit ton of work, it’s possible to remain together, and both of you be happy about it. But there will now always be a pre-cheating and post-cheating division when thinking about your marriage. The goal, if you are remaining together, is to build something much better and stronger than what you had before. That may happen, that may not. But putting the work in gives the greatest probability of success.

Best of luck to you - seriously, you fucked up, and fucked up BIG, but we are all human, and therefore liable to fuck up. No matter what the outcome of all this is, learn from it and grow.

When the weather is good, be outside as much as possible. Do more long-distance, or even multi-day treks. Dick around in the woods more (survival skills for fun, learn more about identifying local plants and fungi, etc). Bring a book and some basic snacks, and hang out in public park space more often (we’ve got some beautiful spaces here). Basically just a lot more exploration, primarily on foot, bike, or skateboard depending on distance and energy level.

When the weather is crap, spend more time keeping my place in order and looking nice. Listen to music, read books, maybe try and get more deliberate about a writing habit. Pick a public indoor space of some kind and become a regular. Maybe volunteer.

Spend more time working on good habits to keep the energy level up for the above long term.

Cool! If they don’t and you’re curious yourself, you could also try RSO under the tongue, but having done that before it’s kinda nasty/IME sucks all of the moisture out of your mouth.

Don’t know your circumstances, but if you live somewhere with a legal market I’d be curious how you react with a sublingual RoA (like a higher dose breath strip style thing you put under your tongue).

Some folks are just hard-headed when it comes to THC in general, though :(

For me, it was always consoles I never actually got. Dreamcast for a while (VMUs were so fucking cool), then the GP32.

TF are you on about, these are dope. I like your style, particularly the character work examples.

…gonna shoot you a PM.

Axe the ass

This is fucking awesome. Thank you for sharing!!

I miss director’s commentary tracks sometimes.

Lol, I’m a booster of the term sh.it.heads for members of my Lemmy instance of choice [exactly as is, broken link and all], so I feel like I’m the wrong person to ask :p

‘Toot’ for Mastodon posts makes some sense to me - where ‘twitter’ and ‘tweet’ are reminiscent of bird song, ‘toot’ for a service whose mascot is an ancestor of the elephant fits. ‘Trumpet’ feels a little longform - a ‘toot’ captures the short form a bit better. Heck, this follows for the fart interpretation too - quote child me to my father once, “A toot sounds like ‘toot toot’. That was ‘blaaaarrrrrrrrrgh’”

Skeet? From what I’m reading, it’s an unofficial term combining ‘(blue)sky’ and ‘tweet’, partially for differentiation but I imagine in part because it’s hilarious. Official term IIRC is just a post.

Idk man - people just choose terms and whatever is repeated the most frequently eventually becomes standard nomenclature. 🤷‍♂️