It seems like, that the longer I am aware of me being trans I keep unlocking new forms of Dysphoria. I never really had any problems with my deadname, but now it does hurt a little bit when hearing it from other people, because im not officially out to them. Today I also realised that apparently I know hate seeing hairs on my arms, which was never a problem before. Hearing my voice also gets progressively worse. What the fuck is this? Why cant I not feel shittier as time goes on. I am on my way to transition, my body could decide to not make my life shit in the process.
I’ve noticed that myself, when I first came out and started transitioning socially my voice didn’t bother me and I spoke exactly like I did before. Now I’m bothered slightly by sounding masculine and I try more to speak in a way that sounds feminine, the deepness doesn’t particularly bother me I just don’t want to sound like a dude if that makes sense.