I’m looking for a job. I saw Alice works at ACME brick. Bob knows Alice. Bob and I used to work together. I asked Bob if he could introduce me to Alice so I can ask Alice 1) for help getting in touch with the hiring manager and 2) what the company culture is like. Bob said yes and I asked Alice my questions, with Bob CC’ed in the message.
This has seemed OK with most people. However Bob said my conversation with Alice seemed one sided and excessive and like I was taking advantage of him just to get to the hiring manager. I am, correctly, asking for help getting to the hiring manager, for inside info. I am not only asking that, but it is part of what I’m asking. I am also asking about company culture and advice when talking to the interviewer. Bob was very upset and I think I’ve burned that bridge.
Is this wrong, in general? Is it OK but not asking too often? Most people seemed to be OK with it, but I worry they were just being polite and I’ve been unknowingly pissing off my entire social life and hurting my chances at getting a job. (why yes, I do have anxiety and take meds.)
I don’t think it’s wrong necessarily, it just depends on the vibes of the email. Also Bob’s relation to Alice may have intricacies you aren’t aware of. How friendly is he with her, and what exactly did he say to her? Apparently Bob thought you went overboard with the questioning. I wouldn’t dwell too much on it, but just saying personal relations can be tricky.
Me I prefer to do things more informally. For example, I could let Bob talk to Alice and get back to me himself. Of course that’s inconveniencing Bob and I’d super owe him one. Or if Bob gave me Alice’s contact info (after he told her what was going on and she consented), I’d just reach out to her on my own. Send a text or something. Also idk about your line of work, but some people are weird about emails lol. Some wanna do things through email, some by text/phone.