I’m in my late 20s now and I feel so much despair.
I think a huge factor that shaped my world is my breakup almost 3 years ago. I had dated several people, actually more than several, before then.
I feel like people think I am delusional when I say this, but he was genuinely the nicest person I’ve ever met in my life. I don’t understand how it’s possible for someone to have actually cared about me to the extent he did. At times I felt like he actually cared about me more than my own mom did. It wasn’t just that, he was intelligent and hilarious too and we had a lot in common.
Unfortunately I wasn’t good enough for him and he didn’t want to continue the relationship. This basically fundamentally broke me.
I had my share of heartbreaks before, but even when I met him, I was basically at my breaking point with love. I remember telling myself this was my last try (because I was so done). To this day I literally have no idea how I could have so much in common with someone. It’s like we completely agreed on almost every aspect in life. Did he just lie to me or agree with everything I said or something?
Apparently he has also had random acquaintances tell him he’s a breath of fresh air and so nice to be around compared to most people, so it’s not just me.
I really don’t know what to do other than cry about losing him. I’ve tried so hard to find happiness for myself but how could I let something like that go?
My life hasn’t gotten any better since then and I honestly think I am hopeless. Genuinely.
Literally everyone pales in comparison to what I had with him. Even though what I had clearly wasn’t real, because ultimately he clearly didn’t feel the same about me since he chose to leave. It felt real to me, talking to him is the most enjoyable thing I had experienced in my life.
This all sounds extremely sad and pathetic but really what am I supposed to do? I bet most people haven’t even come close to meeting someone like him so they can’t relate to this at all. I am going to sound insane again but I think he is some prodigy or something. Like one of those one in a million once in a lifetime people that most won’t even get the chance to meet.
I guess my point was, I’m assuming you live in the US if you think there’s a lot of good in people
You are correct I’m from the US. I’ve also met lots of people from South America and Europe.
I also meet a lot of people through the things I like to do, largely writing code, I’m a weird engineer guy that writes code all day and relaxing by writing more code.
I won’t pretend I know what life is like where you are. Maybe though you can find people that are interested in the same things you are. I’ve also spent a good part of my life volunteering to help others. Volunteering at community food banks or a local hospital I’ve found the most kind and generous people, and it’s filled my heart with a love for my fellow man.
I don’t know what’s around you, and it might seem daunting to try, but finding a local volunteering group and spending an evening with them might be a good place to start. You might not meet your soulmate, but it’s a low cost step to connecting with whatever good people are around.
From what you’ve seen, do you think people are happier in certain parts of the world?
Even if they’re interested in the same things that doesn’t help me become friends with them if their outlook on everything else is completely different. They are also super racist. They think “English speakers” are like a different breed or something, and I know this because I understand both languages and they tend to talk crap after every interaction with an “English speaker” aka foreigner aka anyone that didn’t grow up here.
It’s even worse for me because I’m technically “from” the country but I can’t hide it because of my name. So everyone hates me even more than an “English speaker” because they view me as a traitor who left the country and I can’t even speak their language without an accent, the horror. If it weren’t for my name I would just pretend I only speak English and my life would be way easier this way.
Literally every single time I’ve spoken to someone that grew up here for more than 1 second (ordering a sandwich) one of the first things they talk about is how much they hate America and how much better everything here in this country is (hint: they have no idea what they’re missing cause they’ve never left the country). They also always comment on my accent and how much I “suck” at the language because I’ve literally never had to use it but am still able to speak it so sometimes it takes me a second or two to remember a word I never use. Then they tell me I will never be accepted into society or get a job here unless I take language lessons.
At this point I just want to leave this awful country where everyone treats me like garbage. The language isn’t worth perfecting or learning for me and I have zero desire to live here. The only jobs that pay any living wage are in IT, and I still wouldn’t want to have my colleagues be… the way that they are.
As for volunteering, the hospitals look like actual abandoned backalley nightmarefuel depictions. There nowhere else to volunteer cause we don’t have social services.
I have noticed that certain places seem to be easier / harder to live in. Many of my friends from South America love it there, but some find themselves in very difficult situations. I have found that my European and American acquaintances never face situations quite as dire. Except in America when it comes to healthcare and then even the most well off person can get wrecked.
I grew up relatively poor in America, but I was lucky. I grew up in a relatively safe working class area, our schools were in disrepair and underfunded but we had teachers that cared. It would have been very easy for me to fail, but on the other hand it was extremely possible to succeed. I think for many of my fellow countryman the math has certainly changed and there are a lot of people even in the US that are living through huge amounts of suffering.
It’s true what you say that even if someone is interested in the same things they might not have the same outlook as you. I’d hope you could bond over a mutual shared interest over time but the situation of feeling like an outcast (for lack of a better term) where you live must be quite difficult and is not something I can relate too.
I’m curious about where you are, do people eventually warm up? It’s unfair to have to put effort into making a connection with someone that’s initial reaction is to be mean to you, so I’m not saying you should have to do that, but I’m just curious how deep their initial reactions go. In any event it sounds like a very difficult situation for you and one that I don’t have much experience navigating.
I don’t know your interests but you could find some outlet on something like Discord. They have a lot of different kinds of communities for different interests where people chat and spend time together. It might be a good way to get to spend some amount of time with people that you could forge a connection with.