the last time I asked you if you wanted to do xyz thing, you weren’t able to because of your chronic illness/disability. Are you magically not disabled so that we can do the thing now?
This is what people don’t seem to get. I feel more and more guilty with every conversation like this.
No, I don’t feel better, but I should, apparently. And that’s my fault somehow. I’m not making that up or unnecessarily putting things on myself – it’s hard to come to a different conclusion when people get progressively more disappointed the more they talk to you. When you feel like a medical depressant. I mean that literally.
Every time I’m asked this, I feel like I should feel better, and when i don’t, I’m letting them down by not being able to do the thing.
Eventually I just can’t take it anymore. I’m letting everyone down by not getting better, so not only do I feel awful physically, but also mentally because I’m disappointing everyone I know. And god forbid I meet new people who I have to explain this to again.
I don’t want to meet people anymore, because I have to go through the whole thing again, and re-explain how it’s not going to be fixed by a diet, and yes, I know all the cures and everything. It’s exhausting.
You capture the vibe extremely well — the way you’ve explained it here makes me realise that when people ask if I feel better (yet), it low-key feels quite victim-blamey? Not in their intention probably, but in how it feels to regularly receive those comments. It makes me feel broken on another level beyond the disability.
This is what people don’t seem to get. I feel more and more guilty with every conversation like this.
No, I don’t feel better, but I should, apparently. And that’s my fault somehow. I’m not making that up or unnecessarily putting things on myself – it’s hard to come to a different conclusion when people get progressively more disappointed the more they talk to you. When you feel like a medical depressant. I mean that literally.
Every time I’m asked this, I feel like I should feel better, and when i don’t, I’m letting them down by not being able to do the thing.
Eventually I just can’t take it anymore. I’m letting everyone down by not getting better, so not only do I feel awful physically, but also mentally because I’m disappointing everyone I know. And god forbid I meet new people who I have to explain this to again.
I don’t want to meet people anymore, because I have to go through the whole thing again, and re-explain how it’s not going to be fixed by a diet, and yes, I know all the cures and everything. It’s exhausting.
e: clarification
You capture the vibe extremely well — the way you’ve explained it here makes me realise that when people ask if I feel better (yet), it low-key feels quite victim-blamey? Not in their intention probably, but in how it feels to regularly receive those comments. It makes me feel broken on another level beyond the disability.