• FooBarrington@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    40
    ·
    2 months ago

    You know how people in groups tend to do pretty bad stuff without reflection and proper teaching, like bullying and excluding others?

    That’s because it feels good to do these things, as long as you shield yourself from the negative consequences. It doesn’t feel good once you develop real empathy, but until that point doing these things will make you happy.

    • chonglibloodsport@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      12
      arrow-down
      1
      ·
      2 months ago

      You can’t develop empathy until you break out of the filter bubble. To understand a person you first need to know what their life is like, what motivates them, what values they hold.

      Everything I’ve seen tells me that the opacity runs in both directions. Empathizing with someone who holds radically different, diametrically opposed values to your own is very difficult.

      • FooBarrington@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        7
        arrow-down
        2
        ·
        edit-2
        2 months ago

        No, I disagree. I have empathy for all humans, no matter who. When I hear that some natural catastrophe occurs, I don’t need to know details about those affected to feel for them. There was a time when I was a child when that wasn’t true, but since some point in my childhood it is.

        That coincided with the point in time when I started leaning very left.

        • chonglibloodsport@lemmy.world
          link
          fedilink
          arrow-up
          12
          arrow-down
          3
          ·
          edit-2
          2 months ago

          That’s not what empathy means. Empathy is the capacity to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and understand how they are feeling, not to feel bad for them when they’re not doing well.

          What you’re describing is more like sympathy.

          • FooBarrington@lemmy.world
            link
            fedilink
            arrow-up
            7
            arrow-down
            3
            ·
            2 months ago

            Yes, and I don’t need to know the details of someone’s life to do so. Do you? You can’t feel empathy for e.g. Floridians who recently went through that hurricane?

            not to feel bad for them when they’re not doing well

            That’s also a form of empathy. You get that, right?

            • chonglibloodsport@lemmy.world
              link
              fedilink
              arrow-up
              6
              arrow-down
              3
              ·
              2 months ago

              That’s also a form of empathy. You get that, right?

              No, because doing badly doesn’t imply feeling badly. People going through bad times respond in a variety of ways. They don’t all respond exactly the same way.

              Of course you can respond by donating to help people who have been affected by a disaster. Everyone does that. That’s what sympathy does for us.

              Empathy is different! To truly have empathy for someone means to understand them well enough to know how they’re going to respond to something even before they do. It’s very difficult to achieve. Many married couples never reach it.

              • FooBarrington@lemmy.world
                link
                fedilink
                arrow-up
                5
                arrow-down
                3
                ·
                2 months ago

                So you’re claiming that most people never have empathy for other people… Sure, that sounds very realistic and not-at-all “holier than thou”.

                I mean, I’ve seen plenty of examples where other people have empathized with me, but I guess I just happen to be surrounded by living incarnations of Buddha himself.

                • chonglibloodsport@lemmy.world
                  link
                  fedilink
                  arrow-up
                  6
                  arrow-down
                  3
                  ·
                  2 months ago

                  Most people have some degree of empathy: for their friends, family, and their in-group. There are plenty of people who don’t, though.

                  Empathy is the skill of the therapist, the con artist, the salesperson, the poker player. Not everyone is good at understanding other people’s emotions and motivations.

                  • FooBarrington@lemmy.world
                    link
                    fedilink
                    arrow-up
                    4
                    arrow-down
                    2
                    ·
                    edit-2
                    2 months ago

                    Oh, so now people can have empathy for others without having to understand them well enough to know how they’re going to respond to something even before they do? Just a bit ago you declared that to be an absolute requirement for “true” empathy. Or is it fake empathy they are feeling?

            • floofloof
              link
              fedilink
              English
              arrow-up
              2
              arrow-down
              2
              ·
              2 months ago

              You get that, right?

              I wonder how it feels to be talked to like this.

              • FooBarrington@lemmy.world
                link
                fedilink
                arrow-up
                2
                ·
                2 months ago

                How should I know? I don’t know chonglibloodsport enough to know how they’re going to respond to something even before they do.