Adolescents with insecure attachment to their fathers are more likely to develop internalizing and externalizing mental health symptoms, which can lead to increased alcohol use. Attachment to mothers did not show a similar association with these outcomes.
You do know that you need to seek out professional help right?
Sounds like a family history of depression. Genetically linked and triggered by environmental conditions. It’s not something you can just “stay strong” and overcome. It’s about as futile as trying to stop diabetes by not peeing so much.
Now as to whether or not you are worth keeping around I have no clue. You are just a few sentences on a anonymous site to me. I have nothing to base an impression on. With your illness, you have less of a clue than I do. It’s the disease warping your sense of reality.
It’s a fucked up disease that has no easy solutions for. However, as long as you are breathing, you might as well see if you can figure out how to enjoy doing so.