Traditional gender roles are so limiting. As soon as kids can vocalize what they want to wear (obviously within price reason), I think that you should let them lead what they want to put on their bodies and how they wanna wear their hair. It’s quite possible that all of her kids are always choosing what they wear.

My partner (part of the LGBTQIA2S community) and I don’t like or support gender reveal parties (or baby names that automatically reveal the gender assigned at birth- Even though we understood when we were naming our child a non-gendered name, that if they ended up being non-binary or transgender, that they might choose to change their name anyway). For the most part, when our kid was little, we did a lot of gender neutral type clothing, and so it has allowed our child to choose what they wear without influence from us or peers. Kids can also be non-binary but wear clothing that is matching their “assigned gender”. I would say if you shop online it’s easy to allow your child (who has a voice to do so, or even one who can point) to choose the shirts, pants dresses, etc. that they would like to wear and then just make sure you buy them in the appropriate measurements. Bringing a child to get their hair done professionally is a big trigger for kids, who don’t feel comfortable coming out to their parents, who have sort of pressured them even subconsciously to perform certain gender roles. Sometimes having a child circle pictures in a magazine or a flyer of hair styles that they like, and not only showing them images of the same gender is an easy way to let them decide which hairstyle they would like to have.

It’s still so wild to me that we have separate sections in stores for clothing and for toys. Sizing and I don’t mean bull crap sizing but like actual inches or centimeter measurement should be the only thing that is organized and stores. This way anybody can walk into any store and grab what they want without feeling like it’s “the wrong section”. But that’s work that stores need to work on.

I loved frilly poofy dresses and long hair as a child even though my mom had short hair and never wore “feminine” clothing. I would have been over the moon at that age to meet princesses and see all of those things but I was also a tree climbing, jumping in lake type of kid. When I was a teen, I had buzzed hair, I was not judged by my family for choosing my own clothing etc. I’m a cisgender woman, and it’s a very easy life compared to my family and friends who are non-binary or trans (and who aren’t “passing”).

Just like schools don’t indoctrinate kids to be trans, a lot of parents don’t force kids to be a specific gender- but we see traditional gender roles everywhere and familiarity and availability means a lot of kids choose “traditional”. Thankfully, there are many millennials, and GenZ parents who are well informed and are slowly healing from a patriarchal cisgender centered world, and they are doing the work to support kids. It’s also really common for parents unconsciously to say things like “oh, what dog do you want” or “oooh look at the cars! Which one do you want?” Kids love their parent(s) , and will oftentimes play sports their parent(s) played, wear their hair like their parent(s)or dress how their parent(s) dress. Parents who love their kids unconditionally will let their kids start to lead the way when they get to an appropriate age to be able to choose things (babies for example can’t lift their heads up fully let alone point to what they want to wear). And often times those are going to be cisgender traditional clothes because our society presents that the most.

I think because S has not been vocal for the LGBTQIA2S community, it’s easy to assume the gender role is pushed on L. If she were to be more vocal regularly (as often as sayI brand partnerships she had in pride month), it would at least make it easier to believe L has a choice.

Like if you are going “which princess dress do you want? this one or this one?” instead of what do you want to wear (and show a website or let them walk to any part of the store to choose an outfit) it fosters a safe space for kids to express their gender with clothing. L could very well be super happy to be “girly” (looks very happy), and hopefully as L grows, S will honor whichever gender expression L chooses.