“So anyway, we raised the prices by 300% due to… uh…suh… supply chain issues! Somehow our shoplifting losses also went up 300%! So we decided to put an armed guard in every isle and check out starting in 2024.”

“Luckily our profits also went up 300%! In celebration, we are holding a pizza party for all full time employees on December 25th at 6:00 am in Antarctica. We suggest car pooling to combat climate change! Choice of 1 slice of cheese, or no cheese pizza. If anyone can’t make it then we will be live streaming the event to our corporate intranet. Just head into work and you can all relax in the managers office to watch the full event. The pizza will be so good, even looking at it will be satisfying! And hey, if you’re already watching the event, why not pick up an extra shift? We’re just so proud of our workers here at literally every corporation.”