Edit: Last night she attempted suicide. I was in the living room while she was showering. She got out of the shower, went to the bedroom, and about 10 minutes later I heard her call my name. She was holding a large handful of her medicine in one hand, and the bottle in the other. She told me she almost took it, but decided to get help instead. Suffice to say, both of us are dealing with a lot right now. She asked me not to tell anyone, but I am trying to persuade her to get mental healthcare.
So yesterday morning, while my girlfriend and I were sleeping in our new apartment, we heard some rustling at the door. This was around 8 AM or so. I heard him call out “maintenance” very faintly from the other side of the door.
I was partially awake and called out to the guy after glancing my gf’s way in a “is this guy for real?” look.
Guy apologized and left the apartment after he heard me. At the time, she said she was “glad I was there”.
I spoke to him later and he apologized profusely and said he wasn’t aware someone had moved in already. I figured that would be the end of it. No harm, no foul.
Last night, my girlfriend informed me that I didn’t handle that correctly. She said her dad would’ve been up and ready to fight the guy, and that by glancing her way I must’ve been asking her to protect me.
Despite us discussing a proposal now that we’re 2 years in, she let me know she doesn’t think I should “this year, but that she may change her mind”.
I’m honestly baffled. Was I supposed to shoot the maintenance man or something?
It has me reconsidering the relationship. One perceived mistake–that I honestly think I handled fine–and she’s putting our plans on ice.
She’s been mean leading up to this. She blames her cycle (and apologizes each time), but it’s a pretty extreme mood shift for a few days each month. So part of me wonders if these 2 things are related, and she’ll regret saying that to me. Another part wonders if I should forgive her in the first place.
What do y’all think? How big of a mess am I in?
Ultimately it sounds like you need to decide if you’re willing to carry her burdens, since it sounds like she’s not capable of carrying them herself. Most people online would tell you to run, but that isn’t always the best course of action.
Do you love her enough to continue carrying at least part of her baggage while she works through her issues? Can you see a life without her? Is that life that you see happier, or emptier?
It’s okay to stay with messed up people if you guys make each other happy. Most of us are messed up in one way or another. But you have the right to set boundaries and not let certain lines be crossed. When they’re crossed you can remove yourself from the situation, either temporarily, or permanently.
It sounds like she’s working through her damage. Help her feel safe, and maybe some healing will occur. That doesn’t mean rush out and buy a shotgun. You probably shouldn’t have any weapons in that house. But just let her know through actions and words that you take her safety seriously. Get some WiFi cameras. Get a door alarm. Put wooden rods in the sliding glass door and window gaps. That kind of stuff could go a long way.
Stay away from her when she’s in crazy mode. That’s advice for a lot of relationships. Just give her time and space to be crazy, and when she calms down, tell her how that makes you feel, and how it’s not okay. I’m not a psychologist, but there are some of my thoughts on the matter.
Good luck to you guys.