Spoke with my GP a couple of months ago, and she sent out a referral to a specialist for trans healthcare. Trouble is, I don’t have any contact info for the specialist, and haven’t heard a peep from them, so I have no real timeline as to when I might be able to get on HRT.
Dysphoria is really kicking my ass though. Feels like everything is somewhat unreal, like I’m distant from reality with a bad connection - likely a pervasive form of brain fog. This has built up as I’ve gotten older, and really started to kick hard when I came out to myself as trans. Brain is obsessed with transitioning and it’s making life difficult to focus and do day-to-day tasks.
Depression and anxiety have been well under control for years thanks to medication, and this feels different from both. The only thing that shuts up my dysphoria for a few hours is THC, and that’s not a good coping strategy long-term. I’m not sure what to do.
Been doing vocal training on my own, that’s helped. Not interested in changing the way I dress at the moment. I try to do little affirming things every day, but it’s not a whole substitute for E. If anyone has any advice, it would be much appreciated.
Call you GP and make sure they actually sent the referral and get the specialist’s information. It would in no way shock me if the referral was never sent, not out of malice, but out of incompetence or overwork.
Depending on your province, there may be one or two clinics seeing all the trans people, and there’s nothing stopping you from phoning them and trying to self-refer–the worst that can happen is they’ll say no, and even if they do, you can go back to your GP and say “refer me to these people please”.
These are good ideas, thank you 💜
So the big question I’d have to ask here is which country you’re in, because the waiting times for the specialists in trans healthcare to contact you varies a lot depending on the country. The coping strategies you’ll need if the wait is a couple of months are going to be very different to the ones needed for a wait of 5+ years.
I remember these days. Coming from someone who transitioned over a decade ago I know this anxiety well. Know this- your t poisoning won’t adversely affect your body any more than it already has. You’re only going to get better from here.
Take a deep breath and focus on the excitement of future change for the better. You’ll get there, I promise! Try to ease your mind as best as you can and know that you’re doing everything possible. 5 years from now this will all be a distant memory.
Thinking back to those times I don’t envy you. I was an anxious mess but that anxiety drove me from starting HRT to having full top and bottom surgery in 4 years time. It’ll drive you, but don’t let it control your entire life.
You’re doing it, my friend. You’re well on your way. 💜
I would encourage you not to frame testosterone as “poisoning” - there are people, notably trans men, for which testosterone is desirable.
Really appreciate this post!! 💜
i don’t know a whole lot about your situation, but it seems like you don’t feel like you have a pulse on the process. so you might push your gp about it, ask when to check back, what to do if the specialist doesn’t get back to them, etc
for managing your dysphoria otherwise, i’ve always felt like the worst of it tends to come from the lack of belief that you are your true gender. so i would recommend some affirmations and reading feminist literature. things like internalizing that your femininity isn’t defined by “looking like a woman” and similar things
if you feel the wait time gets really bad, you could look into DIYing it. i would recommend taking quite a bit of time to learn and get comfortable with the terms, dosages, testing, etc. it’s a lot of boring, clinical reading. and not something i would recommend as a first step, either. if you do, you’re obviously taking your health into your own hands
Checking in with the GP had crossed my mind too, so it might be worth a shot to at least put some pressure on the situation, or possibly get the contact info I need to follow up with the specialist. There’s nothing preventing my GP from prescribing HRT beyond her own discomfort and ignorance with trans healthcare. But given GPs already prescribe hormones to cis folks, you’d think they’d be able to figure it out. It’s not like we’re a different species. I just want to make sure I have some sort of medical expert in my corner to avoid potential unwanted health complications.
