I want to talk about this because this has been a very major issue for me. I’ve suffered through various kinds of internalized bigotry for a very long time. I’ve had immense internalized racism due to the fact that I’m black alongside internalized anti-neurodivergent sentiment and internalized queer/transphobia.

It’s like every time I feel like I might be able to get rid of these ideas, they keep coming back. Unfortunately, these thoughts run very intensely too. My internalized bigotry is not mild at all, and it usually manifests in ways like being scared and/or uncomfortable around black people, feeling disgusted by trans people when I see them, and insulting neurodivergent people usually through snarky comments I make under my breath.

I even get really frustrated when I see stuff that supports people like me. Seeing “Black Lives Matter” posts on social media drives me mad, alongside things like “Trans Rights Are Human Rights” that just makes me cry. It makes me FURIOUS, and I really want to overcome this kind of thinking, especially for being trans.

I’d argue that my internalized transphobia is the strongest and harshest out of all my forms of internalized bigotry. It started from my family being extremely transphobic to the point of disowning me and kicking me out, but it exacerbated and reached its peak due to the transmedicalist tendencies within the trans communities I’ve visited online. I am non-binary, and even though I have gender dysphoria and am medically transitioning, I have been discriminated against by so many damn truscum that my mindset started expressing violent animosity towards trans people period. This eventually shifted my mind to believing that this is MOST (or maybe even all) of the trans community, and it makes me irrationally angry at anything that’s pro-trans.

This issue has been going on for so damn long, and it’s causing way too much turmoil, depression, and utter distress for me to no longer do anything about it and just leave it untouched. With that in mind, how do I ACTUALLY shift my mindset to not hate myself and other people over these characteristics? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

  • Ashyr@sh.itjust.works
    8·
    9 months ago

    I’m not an expert and I hope there are others better trained than I who chime in.

    Asking and trying to start a dialogue is a really good start. Wanting to change is the most important foundation.

    I think the best place to start is too try and understand where these emotions are coming from. These likely have different sources, but learning to stop and understand why you feel the way that you do will be foundational to finding solutions.

    It’s really good practice to start doing this with all your emotions. Eventually it can become second nature.

    Next is to practice empathy. What would it feel like to be in a body that feels so wrong to you that you’re willing to face social friction, bigotry and many other hardships in order to set it right? Try to imagine how it must feel.

    Read accounts or watch documentaries of trans people sharing their experiences. This gives you a much stronger basis to continue to build empathy.

    Eventually, it may be worthwhile to find and build relationships within the trans community and make yourself an ally, but never do this until you’re capable of understanding and regulating your emotions and capable of understanding their experience. You don’t want to put yourself in a situation where you could make things worse for others.

    It’s courageous for you to ask and look to better yourself. Be proud of this step and celebrate moving forward.

    • AngelJamie@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOPአማርኛ
      4·
      9 months ago

      I also think meeting some IRL trans people might help. I used to work with a transgender man who was the nicest soul on the planet and wouldn’t hurt a fly and only supported me through me being non-binary, for instance. I’ve never seen that kind of behavior reflected in some obscure, fucked-up trans spaces on the internet, though.

      I ponder about the root cause a lot, and I truly do think it started with how queerphobic my family was to me, but in the larger scheme of things, it could have come from a wide variety of sources.

      • Ashyr@sh.itjust.works
        1·
        9 months ago

        That would make a lot of sense. I think meeting and relating to others is a helpful way of moving forward.

        I don’t know if therapy is a financial option, but it would certainly be worth considering.