There was this guy I knew from a group home who used to like… cosplay being in the military or a firefighter. Worst hygiene known to man. Would perpetually wear either a full firefighter uniform or a fatigues. He was like 18 and never enlisted nor did he work as a firefighter. I did not like him at all to bother getting to know him well enough to find out why he did this. Anyway. A hurricane hits our island and we run out and we’re in the middle of a park that trees are being unrooted in and we’re laughing and dancing around like idiots laughing at how strong the wind is. This dude, who we shall call Charlie just to give him a name and because I don’t remember his, was in his full firefighter outfit. Helmet and all. Then a cable breaks and starts sparking. So this fucknozzle walks over closer to it to figure out what it is and then calls 911. We all back off to a safe distance and huddle in a bus shelter (not much better given glass). Watch as the fire department pulls up. Like 2 dudes go take care of the issue while 5 guys are standing around this poor bastard and just laying into him. Now you might be going “Where’s the cringe? Maybe he had some issues or something. Don’t make fun of that.” I’m not. What was cringey was what happened next.

The hurricane ended up screwing up a lot of shit and we were out of power for a few days. During this period, Charlie is getting more and more frustrated because firemen keep showing up all over the place. He, however, is still wearing the firefighter outfit because his fatigues are soaking wet and the laundry is out. Power also went out during a cycle and apparently the door didn’t unlock so he’s just staring at his other clothes through a porthole. So the firemen show up at our building at one point during all of this to figure out something or other. He’s talking to staff. I’m sitting in the lobby with a friend. Charlie comes down and sees the fireman. Fireman sees Charlie and then immediately calls him by name and says “This is where you fucking live?” Apparently Charlie had been harassing the fire department for months. Kept calling them. Kept asking stuff. Would report the most nonsensical stuff that he misunderstood the rules over. Kept nagging them. There was a suspicion as well that he stole the uniform from them. While this fireman is telling the staff this, Charlie shrieks at the top of his lungs and walks over and pulls off his overhauls and takes out a lighter and lights fire to it. Or tries to. It catches on a couple of frayed fibers for a second before going out. He then keeps yelling the N word over and over again while trying to repeatedly light fire to it. Dude just looks over at the staff and says “Control him” before leaving.

I will never be able to scrub the image of this dude, no pants on, ass stuck up in the air, trying to light a pair of flame-retardant overalls on fire with a Bic lighter while shrieking the n word over and over and over again.

Not even the weirdest shit he did. Was definitely the last thing though. He moved out a couple days later. Not a solitary fucking clue what happened to him after that and I don’t want to know.