Greetings.
I’m in quite of a pickle here, and just thinking about it will get me nowhere.

.

I attend a group hobby weekly.
Quite often we go for a follow-up hang-out in the local bar. I recall everyone else buying a drink and coming to sit down to have a chat.
I don’t buy anything. I wait for the first of us ordering and then I follow them to the table.

One of our attendees has commented on my behavior twice so far.
First she said that I’m a bum. That I use the bar’s staff and the place for my own benefit. There’s a chance that she said that in front of someone else.
Last night she commented that I’m still doing this (we two sat alone for a while). She’s afraid that they’ll throw us out because of my behavior.

I explained that I rarely buy stuff from bars.
On the second comment I said that I’ll probably continue this behavior to the end of times and they won’t throw us out because everyone else spends money. And that my friend said that she or her friends do the same thing quite commonly.
I could have felt her loathing upon me.

I don’t have the money to buy pricy consumables.
I have my own water bottle and sometimes snacks from a market to keep my belly full enough. Or then I don’t eat anything and eat later.
I’m there because of the company.

The employees haven’t commented anything about my behavior. I don’t know, would they even care.

.

Thoughts?
Am I unfair or is she?

I’m thinking about asking her next time that should I just leave if I’m such a bother to her.
I’m also thinking about suggesting us to talk about this as a group.

.

EDIT: I don’t think this is about alcohol. I believe most of them order something else cos it’s late Monday and most people go to work the next day.
EDIT2: We don’t have the tipping culture here.
EDIT3: Thanks for all the comments! You give my mind and feels some peace 💗

  • Elektrotechnik@lemmy.world
    18·
    1 year ago

    I read a couple of answers here, but I thought I’d give my 2 cents anyway. I mostly agree with the others that said it’s not a big deal and seems to be a principle of hers.

    I saw that you’re not from the US. In Germany, there’s an unwritten rule that you never bring any kind of food or beverage to a restaurant. We have other fun stuff like most restaurants not giving out free water or charging you for using the toilet if you haven’t bought anything.

    I could see her being upset with you if you drank your own water and ate your own food in the restaurant. But, again, that’s only from my German point of view.

    • evranch
      151·
      1 year ago

      That’s not just a German thing, here in Canada or the USA it’s strongly frowned on to bring your own food or drink to a restaurant or bar. And “no public toilet” snuck in to a lot of places at Covid time and never left.

      Fast food is different and definitely not enforced but it’s still poor etiquette to eat anything other than small snacks or water there unless you’re part of a group. Like a bunch of guys stop at McDonald’s but one guy is like nah, I packed a sandwich, I’m gonna eat that.

      Still it’s kind of expected that guy would buy a coffee or something. This is what I would do in OP’s situation, have a coffee or a diet Coke if you’re hanging out there for awhile. I wouldn’t complain about “pricy consumables”, it’s like $2.

      • funkless_eck@sh.itjust.works
        5·
        1 year ago

        Although in some ways i do get “it sucks that I can’t make money from people who use the bathroom” when you run a business, also — would you prefer I shit all over the floor? It’s not like I go into bathrooms for fun.