Everything you do is a choice on some level, and everything he does is a choice too. I guarantee you there have been times where he felt miserable and guilty going to the bar instead of coming home to you. Times where he wanted to open up to you the way you opened up to him. I’m sure those times ate at him and made him feel like a piece of shit or whatever.
And rather than just doing the things he knew would make himself and you feel better, he went to the bar instead. He failed to be emotionally available even after you told him your needs and that you felt neglected.
Whether he’s consciously aware of how that’s messing things up doesn’t really matter in the end. Cause is still preceding effect. But honestly, he almost certainly is aware, and continues to make choices that are hurting you.
You’re gonna be fine in the long run, I promise!