I want to share this anecdote to let guys who have faced abuse know that they are not alone, and those who haven’t to be careful online.

It was mid-2020. My company hadn’t shifted to work from home yet. One afternoon I was sitting in my office swiping on Badoo. It is one of the sketchier dating apps, but it was even harder to get a match than ever before so I was kind of desperate.

I matched with someone who’s photos were of a decently attractive woman. Pretty quickly they sent a video chat request, one of the distinctive features of that app. I was greeted by a completely black screen. This should have been a red flag, but I ignored my gut instinct.

We made some small talk but this person seemed a bit distracted. They started moaning and then I realized what was happening. This person was masturbating to the video feed of me talking to them. I had that freeze reaction you hear about in these situations. I knew what was happening, but my brain couldn’t quite grasp the reality of the situation or that it even could be happening.

After a minute or two I got it together, closed the chat, blocked and reported. But I didn’t get a chance to process what happened because my overly talkative boss chose that exact moment to walk into my office and chat about whatever was on his mind that day. It was so jarring for him to blab on like normal when I had something so bizarre happen to me. After he left I clocked out early and went home to put it all behind me.

I’ve never told anyone about this. Partly because it’s embarrassing, partly because I am sure that because I am a man people Will probably minimize it or even tell me I should feel lucky. I’m OK now, I had a lot worse happen during the pandemic. I just thought it would be good to share this experience.