That and solution driven language. Instead of going “you aren’t doing chore x” it’s “I need chore x to be done more frequently, here’s what I’m willing to commit to doing for it” and then they share what they are realistically able to deliver, and then you negotiate until some sort of compromise is reached. Of course that requires good faith. But if your relationship can’t have that, maybe there shouldn’t be a relationship.
What I find weird is I see people who can do this in their office job, but then completely fall to bring the same problem solving to their personal life.
If one of the people in a relationship is the problem then both (or all) people need to work together to solve it. That means communicating about the problem without being confrontational, working together to find a solution or compromise, etc. Part of this requires a change in mindset: don’t think “you are the problem”, think “this aspect of you is the problem”. It has to be a team effort.
A phrase that’s always stuck with me is “it’s not me versus you; it’s me and you versus the problem”.
That and solution driven language. Instead of going “you aren’t doing chore x” it’s “I need chore x to be done more frequently, here’s what I’m willing to commit to doing for it” and then they share what they are realistically able to deliver, and then you negotiate until some sort of compromise is reached. Of course that requires good faith. But if your relationship can’t have that, maybe there shouldn’t be a relationship.
What I find weird is I see people who can do this in their office job, but then completely fall to bring the same problem solving to their personal life.
what if you’re the problem?
:(
If one of the people in a relationship is the problem then both (or all) people need to work together to solve it. That means communicating about the problem without being confrontational, working together to find a solution or compromise, etc. Part of this requires a change in mindset: don’t think “you are the problem”, think “this aspect of you is the problem”. It has to be a team effort.