Sorry if this seems stupid. My kid was diagnosed with type 1 autism, formerly asperger’s. We weren’t even testing them for that (it was adhd), but the doc pointed out a lot of behaviors that are classified as autistic. I never thought of those behaviors that way, because I did a bunch of that stuff when I was a teen, too. I just learned I was weird and figured the rest was due to my super dysfunctional family. I’ve learned to cope. I keep my weirdness to myself and pass for a normal person pretty well. No one would ever guess I’m autistic (again, I’ve no diagnosis but it’s implied).
So, with that context, would there even be a point to getting a diagnosis? What would it benefit me? I’m middle aged, so I don’t need educational accommodations. I’ve learned to adapt, so idk if I’d even be diagnosable.
Idk. I’m still just messed up learning that my kid, who I thought was neurotypical and a LOT like me is considered autistic. How different would my childhood have been if I had been evaluated when I was younger?
How so? I’ve always had imposter syndrome and just assumed everyone did.
Not the person you asked, but I always felt guilty for “claiming” a diagnosis, long after it was official. What if the doc was wrong? What if I’m just too lazy and need to get my shit together? Surely I’m just looking for excuses, because that’s what had been drilled into my head for over 30 years: I can’t be that exhausted, I’m just trying to get out of doing what I’m supposed to.
It’s a weird thing to use the word imposter syndrome on a diagnosis, but that’s exactly what it felt like. I don’t deserve a valid “excuse”. I am conning everyone into cutting me some slack when I’m really just lazy. Took me years of therapy - and, honestly, a job where they tell me I’m doing a lot and supporting my team, even though I still feel like I don’t do anything. The brainwashing is strong when you’re late-diagnosed :(
I fight this thought every single day. It doesn’t make sense, but that’s what the anxiety voice repeats. I’ve made bread on a weekly basis for 3 ish years now. I cook and clean daily, a lot. I steward my kids activities… but if something doesn’t grab me, I literally have to talk myself into it. Ugh.
hugs well, now you know: you’re not lazy, this is your brain working against you. I found bribing myself with something I enjoy after I did one thing I don’t helps. It’s like giving my stubborn brainchild a lolli :)
Before I got diagnosed, but after I found out I might be on the spectrum, I spent a lot of energy second guessing whether I was on the spectrum or not.
Maybe all of these things I thought finally made sense were wrong and I didn’t actually get to have this new explanation for why I am like this.
Of course, I did get diagnosed. And I was pretty sure I would, but that waiting to know for sure was hard.