It’s my 3rd attempt at writing this so forgive me for being disorganized. I’ll try to keep it short.
Basically after long time of denying it, I have came to a conclusion that I have ADHD about 3-4 months ago. I consulted my psychiatrist about it and she says that I indeed have many ADHD symptoms (im 19m, parents pay for everything).
I live outside of US, so attending college is basically someone everyone does and so I picked Management as a field of study (you know where this is going). I had a massive hyperfixation for programming like 2 years ago but because It caused me to succumb to my interest instead of doing homework and studying, I developed a massive aversion towards it.
I have now been attending college for a few days and except for group exercises (they’re very stimulating so I have no issues with focus) my focus is completely trash. Lectures being the worst, I found tapping the desk with both of my hands to temporarily help me focus, but after this I feel completely mentally exhausted. I come home and cannot do absolutely anything.
I now think of switching to computer science since maybe I’ll renew my interest. Needless to say, Management is the worst fucking field of study I could’ve chosen since IT TOOK ME A 2 DAYS TO FINALLY GET MYSELF TO WRITE THIS. So basically when I told my parents about me wanting to switch field they replied by listining every adhd symptom i have and always had and complain about it. “you’re always bored”, “you keep changing your mind”, “you always begin most difficult stuff then drop it.”
So far my hyperfixation’s had been (in order):
- programming
- stock market
- japanese language
And when I asked about getting official diagnosis they said I make shit up, then keep on complaining about every adhd personality trait i have. I told them to read about adhd on wikipedia, they didnt. They probably think im trying to get prescription for stimulants or something to get high idk. Just tell me itll be alright im shaking from anxiety. I couldnt focus on lectures because they were only a little interwsting. I also cant even watch tv series alone for the same reason and everything bad about my life has been about school. only a lecture from economics was interesting to me but i failed at exercises because 1. careless mistakes, 2. different than expected way of thinking that doesnt align with a key, although i could argue that its correct. shshdhdhcjaksjcb just tell me itll be fine. im already diagnosed with autism (by regular psychiatrist during normal meetings lol) but shell never diagnose me with adhd since its too risky, except that i dont even want stimulants just someyhing like guafancine or wellbutrin.tell mr itll be alright im losing my mind here
Get medicated.
It doesn’t matter what you current or past hyperfixation is, or will be. You will get sick of whatever you study.
You either need to get medicated, or have iron will to get through with sheer discipline.
If you don’t, you likely will not pass. So college will be a waste of your time and money. So you should either become a self taught programmer or find a stimulating job with no college needed.
I ended up needing to take the latter of the 2 options, and I wouldn’t wish that torture on my worst enemies.
Straight out of HS I went to Uni, and it always felt like I wasn’t doing it for myself. 2.5 years and $20k later I left hastily, and went to college after a few months off. I didn’t get it right in the first year, but I went into game dev after that and barely squeaked by. Even with it being a very strong interest of mine, it was very difficult to drag myself through it. I met some incredible friends along the way that helped keep me focused enough, but it was hard.
Fast forward 3 years, and here I am now, diagnosed with mixed ADHD, medicated, with more focus than I’ve ever had. Its still not great… I have 27 years of bad habits to break, but it’s getting better.
One of the biggest things I can offer as advice is know your enemy. ADHD is tricky to deal with, but not impossible. If you have the option to make itbeasier to manage, I’d try to find a way and make it happen. I can’t speak to the autism part, but the ADHD is something that you can manage. It just takes some time.