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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/mahalomina on 2023-09-24 21:58:25.
Our 12 yo son attended a dance through his school. Later in the week, after dinner, my husband asked my son who the dance. He asked if he danced, my son said no.
In more of a humorous voice, he asked if he checked out girls. Our son was kind of quiet. Then my husband said “Middle school is when kids start developing…” (then he paused and gestured with his hands in a way that indicates breasts)”… personality.” He started laughing.
I shot him a look that was intended to say please stop, not cool, and turned around to do the dishes. My son was not looking at me when I shot the look, but since I didn’t laugh it was probably clear that I didn’t like the joke. I was going to let it go and probably bring it up later. Then my husband said to me, “Come on, that was funny, admit it.” I told him I didn’t find it funny and that I don’t like jokes that I feel like they are objectify women.
He later told me he was trying to normalize sexual development and being attracted to breasts as a middle school boy (my son is attracted to girls). He doesn’t think what he said is objectifying and I shouldn’t have found it offensive.
I shared that I also support normalizing his development/curiosity and that we can do that without making jokes that focus on girls’ anatomy being what makes her attractive. And I don’t want him to make comments that wouldn’t be appropriate to make in front of his female friends.
I’m concerned about the message he’s sending our son with jokes like this (this was not the first). He said I was being over the top, exaggerating, and he will joke with our son how he wants to. He went on to say if this is how our culture is now, he doesn’t want to be part of it.
He said my being stern about the situation instead of just laughing along made it uncomfortable/awkward for our son and brought the opposite of the lightness he wants our son to feel about sexuality.
NTA. Your husband was showing you who he is and how he views women (and perhaps, you). Your son deserves better. He needs support in understanding both his feelings and how his parents would have him behave. If you have not had ‘the talk’ with him. Now is your chance to tell him that relationships are far more about communication than anatomy. Dad may be a lost cause, but continue to tell him when you disagree with him. He is unlikely to re-think his attitude unless he hears from you that disagree.