I didn’t go to the ceremony. The only reason I even got the associate degree is because I’m transferring universities for my BS in the fall, and the new one wanted me to retake some Gen Ed classes (they can’t if I already hold the degree).

But, my lab partner texted me during the ceremony and now I really don’t know what to do with myself.

I don’t understand how I managed to keep my 4.0 with all the problems I’ve had over the last year or so. I was hospitalized last year for my mental disorders. This year I’ve lost my ability to walk and I still don’t know why, despite 30+ appointments between January and now.

I feel like I should celebrate somehow, because there was a lot of sweat and tears involved in getting my school work done to a level I was satisfied with. But I have no one to celebrate with. And I don’t even know what I want to do for fun anymore lol

    • FoxyFerengi@lemm.eeOPEnglish
      2·
      3 days ago

      Thank you, but ngl it feels a little weird to be called “champ” because I’m middle aged and not the gender that is typically called that 😅

  • chingadera@lemmy.worldEnglish
    3·
    3 days ago

    Hey dude or dudette, you may not be celebrating with me, but I’m sure as shit celebrating with you. I’m legitimately tearing up writing this because first of all, you fucking killed it, second of all, your lab partner knows it, was proud of you, and reached out. Third of all, maybe they think you just aced that shit, and then did a mic drop and didn’t show up.

    Either way, a technicality just made you ball out of control, and you’ve earned some appreciation. Good job dude

    • FoxyFerengi@lemm.eeOPEnglish
      4·
      3 days ago

      I’m so proud of my lab partner because she’s made it into a graduate program at the school I’m transferring to, and she earned her BS with magna cum laude today. That’s nothing to sneeze at because I know how difficult our program is lol. When I met her in our freshman year she was a very self-conscious teen, but she is such an incredibly elegant, insightful young adult now, and I’m lucky to call her a friend.

      I sat for a bit and thought today, because my only plan has been to graduate with a 4.0 and then kill myself. Because I just wanted to throw my academic ability in the face of my parents, who said I wouldn’t amount to anything, before I die. Maybe I could have done this twenty years ago if they had gotten me adhd treatment, but the point is I could and did do it. But the associates was a technicality, like you said. I have a year left before I earn my bachelor’s. Then maybe I can finally rest

  • owenfromcanadaEnglish
    3·
    3 days ago

    Congrats! If nothing else, let yourself feel proud about this. In my experience, it can be hard to view yourself outside of the scope of mental disorders, but this shows that you are much more than that. And managing a 4.0 in the midst of it is that much more impressive. Again, congrats!

    • FoxyFerengi@lemm.eeOPEnglish
      3·
      3 days ago

      Thank you :)

      You are right, I can’t see the person I am beyond my struggles. I think I feel like I am not deserving of success or achievement, let alone pride.

      • owenfromcanadaEnglish
        3·
        3 days ago

        I think that’s your conscious thinking, but some deeper part of you knows that this is a good thing and feels good about yourself. I know there are those other thoughts that contradict that and tell you you’re not deserving, but try to let those good thoughts have their say as well. They might just be on to something :)

        And if you ever need some cheering on, feel free to post over in [email protected] - though fair warning, we’ll probably side with the you’re-great-and-it’s-okay-to-feel-proud-about-it opinion.