basically it boils down to skin-on-skin human contact versus a toy in this case. Did you never ask a client/partner/audience member? I assume reasons may vary. -I personally think the nature of the (business) relationship to be low-pressure and relatively straight-forward. -That is if we are to contrast it with the dating experience for the average man. Not everybody is relationship material, regardless.
I guess, it’s something that I have extremely complicated feelings about and severe trauma associated with. “Roses” on CL were kinda essential at a point in my life, and I’ve wondered what the other party got out of it.
Idk - like tons of men will “stealth” you. Or they’ll pressure you into not wearing condoms when they know you’re desperate.
Maybe this is trauma dumping I’d like to be retroactively humanized by a “john” a bit. But I’m just not sure how common it is not to be ultimately traumatized at the other end of things. This is not to be a “SWERF” - but what’s the difference between a human and one of these robots?
Edit: maybe a story more aligned to positive feelings towards “Johns” - the older man who saw that my tires were deflated and brought out a pump to fix it. He liked a thing I don’t but isn’t abnormal. Tolerable but not “enjoyable.”
The others are hard to balance it out against. Perhaps a consequence of not having a “Nordic model” or legalization. But also the kind of thing that often make it hard to think rationally. This is why I’m deeply empathic to Dworkin.
I didn’t want to make assumptions on your initial comment as i didn’t know if you were referring to yourself as a full-service sex worker or were using the term under the more general definition applied to strippers, adult film stars, and cam-models, etc. I’ve never hired a hooker, before but visiting Pahrump Nevada, or the red light district of the Netherlands is still on my bucket list.
-That said, having your own personal choice and control over the situation taken away either by guys trying to “stealth” you or to take advantage of a desperate situations at the potential expense of your health is an awful thing to do to someone else. I can only speculate as to what each of your clients wanted that they couldn’t get from a toy. If i’m asked to return to your earlier question of what’s the difference between a human sex worker and a robot, I guess I’d respond by asking what’s the difference between non-sex worker and a robot?
While the work may not be 1:1 to you I can say with regards to strippers there’s still a kind of nonemotional intimacy, and the workers get to express their personalities which made things fun. I don’t know if you got a chance to do any of that or not.
–Are you able to seek counseling for this? Regardless of what I’ve said, that’s some pretty heavy trauma you seem to be trying to make sense of. It could be beneficial to work through it with someone that has more formal training and a deeper knowledge for learning how to cope with these kind of things.
I later found a lot of enjoyment in entering gay “cruising” culture as passing man. It’s that same impersonal, focused on just the pleasure and not the meaning - but without the power dynamic and pretense. I say, this is what I want, he agrees, and then a fun time is had by all.
I think the difference between say, sex as work and making food as work - I don’t really need to care or like the person who makes my food. There’s not an incentive for them to participate in something that can be physically painful or uncomfortable and then even pretend to be enjoying it through that pain. A lot of workplaces do force you to pretend in similar ways - don’t Chikfila employees have to say “my pleasure” or something - but pretending while dissociating in the act does fuck with your head in unique ways I think.
Working in Nevada or the Netherlands might be different. I guess when legalized, maybe you can say “slow down” or press a button for help when they take off the condom. I’ve only lived my life of course.
I do have some professional help, but don’t live in an area where the mental health needs of transexual former hookers are particularly accommodated for.
I know from my netherlands visits (from locals, personally i’m not into sex workers) that the bouncers in the Amsterdam redlight district don’t fuck around when one of the girls have any issue with a client, so they tend to behave themselves.
I think you hit the nail on the head about the power-dynamic and pretense. Regardless, I hope you at least keep talking about it to people who would try not to judge. I think sitting and dwelling on that kind of trauma, or even ignoring it can cause all sorts of problems.
Of a sex worker or a robot?
basically it boils down to skin-on-skin human contact versus a toy in this case. Did you never ask a client/partner/audience member? I assume reasons may vary. -I personally think the nature of the (business) relationship to be low-pressure and relatively straight-forward. -That is if we are to contrast it with the dating experience for the average man. Not everybody is relationship material, regardless.
I guess, it’s something that I have extremely complicated feelings about and severe trauma associated with. “Roses” on CL were kinda essential at a point in my life, and I’ve wondered what the other party got out of it.
Idk - like tons of men will “stealth” you. Or they’ll pressure you into not wearing condoms when they know you’re desperate.
Maybe this is trauma dumping I’d like to be retroactively humanized by a “john” a bit. But I’m just not sure how common it is not to be ultimately traumatized at the other end of things. This is not to be a “SWERF” - but what’s the difference between a human and one of these robots?
Edit: maybe a story more aligned to positive feelings towards “Johns” - the older man who saw that my tires were deflated and brought out a pump to fix it. He liked a thing I don’t but isn’t abnormal. Tolerable but not “enjoyable.”
The others are hard to balance it out against. Perhaps a consequence of not having a “Nordic model” or legalization. But also the kind of thing that often make it hard to think rationally. This is why I’m deeply empathic to Dworkin.
I didn’t want to make assumptions on your initial comment as i didn’t know if you were referring to yourself as a full-service sex worker or were using the term under the more general definition applied to strippers, adult film stars, and cam-models, etc. I’ve never hired a hooker, before but visiting Pahrump Nevada, or the red light district of the Netherlands is still on my bucket list.
-That said, having your own personal choice and control over the situation taken away either by guys trying to “stealth” you or to take advantage of a desperate situations at the potential expense of your health is an awful thing to do to someone else. I can only speculate as to what each of your clients wanted that they couldn’t get from a toy. If i’m asked to return to your earlier question of what’s the difference between a human sex worker and a robot, I guess I’d respond by asking what’s the difference between non-sex worker and a robot?
While the work may not be 1:1 to you I can say with regards to strippers there’s still a kind of nonemotional intimacy, and the workers get to express their personalities which made things fun. I don’t know if you got a chance to do any of that or not.
–Are you able to seek counseling for this? Regardless of what I’ve said, that’s some pretty heavy trauma you seem to be trying to make sense of. It could be beneficial to work through it with someone that has more formal training and a deeper knowledge for learning how to cope with these kind of things.
I guess, desire needs to be reciprocal for me.
I later found a lot of enjoyment in entering gay “cruising” culture as passing man. It’s that same impersonal, focused on just the pleasure and not the meaning - but without the power dynamic and pretense. I say, this is what I want, he agrees, and then a fun time is had by all.
I think the difference between say, sex as work and making food as work - I don’t really need to care or like the person who makes my food. There’s not an incentive for them to participate in something that can be physically painful or uncomfortable and then even pretend to be enjoying it through that pain. A lot of workplaces do force you to pretend in similar ways - don’t Chikfila employees have to say “my pleasure” or something - but pretending while dissociating in the act does fuck with your head in unique ways I think.
Working in Nevada or the Netherlands might be different. I guess when legalized, maybe you can say “slow down” or press a button for help when they take off the condom. I’ve only lived my life of course.
I do have some professional help, but don’t live in an area where the mental health needs of transexual former hookers are particularly accommodated for.
I know from my netherlands visits (from locals, personally i’m not into sex workers) that the bouncers in the Amsterdam redlight district don’t fuck around when one of the girls have any issue with a client, so they tend to behave themselves.
I think you hit the nail on the head about the power-dynamic and pretense. Regardless, I hope you at least keep talking about it to people who would try not to judge. I think sitting and dwelling on that kind of trauma, or even ignoring it can cause all sorts of problems.