When I was 20 I was diagnosed by a psychologist with having Narcissistic Personality Disorder. At first I was in denial about but over time I come to terms with my narcissism and the diagnosis started to make sense to me. A lot of my problems can be traced back to my unrealistic self image and lack of ability to relate with others.
There’s a lot of stigma towards NPD. I hope by making this thread I can help others understand that having NPD doesn’t inherently make you a bad person and NPD hurts the person with it as well.
“How does your lack of ability to connect manifest?”
Very superficial and short term relationships. It can be very isolating at times. I can connect to others but only if there really close to me.
“Do you feel connected to characters in books or movies/do their hardships affect you?”
They don’t. There just made up.
“Are you doing any kind of exercises to change patterns around thinking/relating?”
Sometimes I think about others like there me. I know that sounds odd but helps me understand them. I try not to make everything about my self. I listen to others.
“How do you feel NPD hurts you?”
Yes, that’s what I’m trying to get across in this thread. NPD is like a drug there’s highs and lows. Sometimes when something good happens I just have this feeling that I deserve it. That I’m worthy but with that there’s come downs. Sometimes things don’t go to plan and makes me mad because how can I be wrong? It’s hard to accept there’s something wrong with you because you put yourself up on a pedestal and every mistake feels like your cracks are showing. You think that everyone else is as interested in you as you are.
“Last one, don’t answer if you don’t want, but what caused you to seek out professional help?”
I was having suicidal thoughts. I stopped seeing the psychologist cuz I lost interest.
Thank you for your responses.
I don’t think that sounds odd at all. I kind of remember being a kid and characters on screen were just characters, but then I’d always start thinking about what I would do in their situations. Practicing seeing one’s self in others is a huge step for many people in developing empathy.
Good on you for seeking out help when you needed it. Changing thought patterns is hard. Good luck as you continue to grow and learn!