6 days, 18hrs. 2 possibly 3 more weeks of rehab. had my first proper meltdown this morning, mostly due to insomnia, medications having zero effect and zero appetite/brutal nightmares from cannabis wds. crying having a cig I saw a couple walking a labrador that looked exactly like my old bob, bawled harder finally decided to run after them “excuse me please im so sorry but im having a meltdown can I please pat your dog? yes of course her name is cassie, are you ok is there anything we can do? would you like us to walk you back to the nurses?” while im just giving this super friendly dog all the love for about 3mins. im tearing up just writing this, “thankyou no I’ll be ok I just have to call my sponsor” so I spent half an hour on the phone to my sponsor then my mum, chain smoked and deep breathing til I finally calmed down enough to go back to the ward and ask them for help, I turn the corner into the hallway and there’s a black lab. that absolutely broke me I just dropped to my knees and started bawling twice as hard I miss my muffin so bad. another patient grabbed my arm and took me to a quiet room and got a nurse cause I was in extreme distress, I feel such shame and guilt that I kept choosing my addiction over my pets. they’re well looked after at my parents.

everyone’s so nice and helpful guys fr im so grateful,

GOOD NEWS on saturday my parents are driving the 400kms to bring her for a visit. a whole bunch of patients just had pet show and tell, showing photos and videos and they can’t wait to meet her.

it’s going to hurt so bad when they’ll have to leave but what im doing is so worth it so I can be there for my muffin and cuba.