Hey all, I hope this post is okay

I’m currently going through a very high anxiety moment and have been having panic attacks all weekend. I’m still in one.

I’ve got a doctor appointment scheduled for next week, but I need some encouragement and advice to calm things down right now.

I have avoidant anxiety. When I was a student and I started having panic attacks for the first time. I couldn’t force myself out of the house and stopped showing up at work and got myself fired and failed out of my classes. It took me years to recover.

I found a therapist privately back then and did CBT and it helped make things manageable enough that for years things were okay. She’s no longer working, and I specifically avoided drugs then but I think that was a mistake.

I’ve been working for over a decade and have been carefully managing my anxiety with only a couple incidents. I worked in small companies, then did independent contracting, but now I’ve been in corporate jobs since COVID.

The last couple years I’ve been really struggling with my anxiety. As soon as everyone started doing mass layoffs and tightening the belt I’ve been struggling hard. The last few months it’s gotten exponentially wise, and it’s beyond my ability to manage.

I can’t focus anymore, sitting at my desk gives me a panic attack every day, then I fail to meet my deadlines, so I stay up all night pushing myself, which boosts my anxiety.

I feel like I’m on a treadmill running full speed, but I’m tired, I can’t breath anymore, I have that feeling if I run anymore my legs will collapse. But I’m on a treadmill, if I fall I get wrangled and crushed, even though I know I can’t keep running.

Man I just need someone to say they know how I feel, that I’m not alone, and to help me push the next week until my appointment.

Edit: thank you everyone, you all helped me through that moment and I’m feeling clearer right now. You said some things that were what I needed to hear, with concrete advice, and I can’t express how much I appreciate that.

It’s going to be a rough week and I have a lot to think about

  • whyrat@lemmy.worldEnglish
    3·
    3 months ago

    There’S always time to take a break and catch your breath. You have sick days and personal days for a reason; use those to center yourself rather than running yourself into the ground.

    You said above you’ve previously switched jobs; use that as a baseline to know that worst case isn’t crash and burn, but finding a new job (just like you’ve done several times before). If you’re killing yourself for a big corporate position… that’s a terrible reason to burn yourself out.

    Refocus to something else you enjoy in life (family, friends, hobbies, whatever…). Use the CBT techniques that worked for you before. First just catch your breath, then start working back towards a better state. You did it before, you can do it again!

    • wise_pancakeOPEnglish
      3·
      3 months ago

      Thank you

      One thing that worked well before was just supposing the worst did happen, what do I do then. You’re right of course, I’ve always found jobs before, but I’ve always had a good reference. I have more options today than ever before even if I can’t find a new job.

      I’ve scheduled a few weeks off soon, I’m hoping it helps.