Following up on this post https://lemmy.ml/post/18558315 I made not too long ago.
I went on a few more dates with him and I just was feeling similarly unsure. And I’ve felt like I’ve wanted to possibly end things because I was scared about things escalating, like if he asked to be my boyfriend or if we became more intimate. And I did keep feeling like I need to end things.
So I broke it off with him today, and I just broke down crying for like 30 minutes. I’ve never cried over a guy before and I feel like maybe I made a mistake. I didn’t realize my feelings were strong enough to make me cry. But in the moment when I am with him it hasn’t felt like I was feeling much of anything.
I guess I’m just looking for advice on how can I better understand my own feelings in these situations and not be so uncertain. I really feel like I don’t understand my feelings and don’t know what to do based off of that so any advice on how to be more in-tune with my feelings would be appreciated.
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If it’s only physical attraction that’s keeping you from going for it then you’re going to have a bad time when you get older. People get old and fat and ugly, but good news: everyone looks the same in the dark.
I recently got out of a pretty rough relationship, so I can try to help. I think the single most important thing to look for in a partner is whether or not they make you happy. If the guy wasn’t making you happy, he’s probably not worth spending the rest of your life with. I know that when I made the decision to split from my ex, it felt like the hardest decision in my life. It felt like I tore my own heart out and crushed it in my fist. However, you have to put your own happiness first in our cruel world. Even though the split was painful, I am a lot happier now that I am single, and I’m even excited to try and meet someone new.
I also felt a lot of regret and fear and anguish when I split, so it’s not like break-ups are meant to be a happy thing. Take some time to yourself, really feel those emotions, and then search for your resolve. Nobody is born into this world to be alone, you’ll find someone.
Maybe talk to a professional.
Maybe I should again. My last therapist who I just saw last month told me she thinks I am done with therapy and don’t need it anymore. That kind of surprised me but i accepted it, maybe I need to find a different one.
Some form of commitment phobia / anxiety?
But sometimes it’s just difficult to tell why there is a feeling of uncertainty. Especially in a situation itself. Maybe it’ll become more clear with a bit of distance and viewing back.
Ultimately, I don’t think we have enough information to analyze your character. Maybe you should ask yourself why you were afraid of things happening too fast in the first place. And practice stating your needs and desires. I’m also not entirely sure if you cried because of him, or because you yourself weren’t able to steer into the right direction…
In case you’re not that old: It’s common to mess up, if that’s the right word. You didn’t necessarily do anything wrong. Dating and feelings are complicated. And you’re bound to experience a few setbacks. You’ll learn and get more practice. And some wisdom comes with age. That also applies to inner emotional life.
It’s perfectly normal to feel grief even if the person or situation weren’t right for you. You are grieving what future might have been or your dream of having a happy relationship. But your dream isn’t dead and gone – you can still have that dream with someone else.
Just because you’re grieving it doesn’t mean you made a bad choice per se, it’s just that your body needs to go through this cathartic process.
Our feelings aren’t necessarily right – it’s possible to feel anxiety that makes us feel stuck when we need to get on with our lives. It’s also possible to mourn the death of a relationship that wasn’t right for you in the first place.
How are you feeling right now?
Sadness is a normal feeling that helps us slow down (like in Upside Down) to get a break when things get too much. It doesn’t mean you made a bad choice.
