I’ve gone on 6 dates with this guy and I really like who he is and we have a lot of shared values and similar interests. He’s not the typical type of guy I go for though. But I felt like maybe I’ll just go with what my body is telling me and I want to kiss him and hold hands and stuff, which we have done. But I feel like I’m not sure.
I went over to his apartment yesterday and we were making out on his bed and I was thinking in my head that I hope this doesn’t escalate beyond this. I was scared that I wouldn’t like what I see if he took of his shirt. Or I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to perform if I wasn’t sure how attracted I was to him. It could also be just anxiety because I have not had sex in years (by choice) and I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I also don’t have much dating experience outside of first and second dates.
Towards the end of our date I did feel like I just wanted to home, but I’m not sure if it’s because I don’t like him as much as I thought or because I barely got any sleep the night before and we just spent a lot of time walking around.
I previously kept seeing him because of everything I like in him and I thought maybe I don’t have the infatuation sort of feeling but maybe I can develop a slow love over time that might be stronger. I would like to keep seeing him to see how things go going forward, but I don’t want to be leading him on if it’s not going to work.
I was thinking maybe I could communicate how I’m feeling and see if he wants to keep trying or idk. I’m just lost.
It sounds like maybe you’ve got some anxiety with the relationship, and that’s okay. The question is whether the anxiety is due to this person, or if you’d feel similar with anyone right now. I’d guess the latter, but it’s worth asking yourself.
If you don’t mind me asking, how many years has it been since you were in this position romantically?
I’m not sure if it’s the person or anyone. I tried comparing with my past experiences and I was fine before I didn’t have anxiety with my past partners, but it’s been a long time. And none of the previous situations were like this.
It’s been maybe 6 years since I’ve been in this position romantically, and to be fair even in that relationship we didn’t do much sexually.
It’s worth noting that you’re not the same person you were 6 years ago, and relationships feel different over time. It sounds like you like this guy, but you also want to take things slowly–that’s okay. You can be honest with him about where you’re at and what you’re comfortable with, and if he’s good with that pace, keep going and see where it leads.