I have an issue where I push too hard to be equal in all things. This leads to me asking to reciprocate oral sex when it is offered even when my partner just wants to give but not receive.
It leads to her being upset that I don’t just want a blowjob. I do very much want and enjoy the blowjob but I feel bad in just taking.
Overall when we have sex it is amazing and I definitely take care of her needs but when oral is offered my responses are viewed as being less than 100% satisfied with the offer.
We have discussed it and I know I shouldn’t look a gift blowjob in the mouth but I can’t stop myself sometimes. How should I discuss or just shut myself up in my brain and just accept things don’t always have to be tit for tat?
Do you find satisfaction in reciprocating?
Because if you’re anything like me - then giving is the gift. I’m someone that feels validated and valued when I bring someone joy. And if I’m given an experience that I can’t share, then I’m filled with a sense of guilt. If you feel similarly, you should communicate that to your partner.
And also, I’ve been in your position.
Assuredly, your partner would feel pressured to ‘enjoy herself’ and/or give equal feedback if you ‘must’ reciprocate.
That’s a vulnerable feeling and it can be awkward. If she doesn’t ‘get there’, she’d feel like she’s dismissing your effort. So she’s trying to focus on ‘getting there’ under pressure, which creates a negative thought loop that confirms her fears. It’s just easier to do something else.
You have a loving partner that’s worth appreciating. The way each of you show and receive appreciation is different. She’s telling you very clearly that she does not need to be shown in the way you want to. So I recommend finding something else.
Maybe you could cook up a nice breakfast, give her a foot rub, watch one of her TV shows, that kinda thing.