Heyuh, any hot tips on how I can get the hell out of this abuse house? BioParents have decided that one ānoā is far too many and theyāve decided to try to break into my room. Theyāre yelling a bunch of bullshit and telling me to get out but also theyāre trying to work out how to break into my room?!
Iām in rural northeastern Oklahoma; Iāve got a bit of money (assuming they donāt rob me of that somehow) but no real means of supporting myself because Iām autistic and agoraphobic in the middle of nowhere, relying on them for everything. Iāve finally got just a little bit of help (some medications at least, nothing fancy) and itās just too little too late I guess.
tl;dr: BioParents threatening, bullying me. Need some kind of lasting escape, need help creating my own life if such thing is possible. Need to never be here again.
Edit: Sorry, Iām a bit scattered. Sorry if this is the wrong place for this. Couldnāt find anywhere that is. Also I may lose ātheirā Internet connection because cutting me off from help is totally not abusing me but actually a reasonable way for them to ātake back their propertyā (they want all of my keys as part of throwing me out, Iāve never been able to deal with confrontation and they know itā¦ blah blah BS). May be able to use my phoneā¦ ugh.
Edit 2: They called the cops on me.
Edit 3: The guy with the Punisher tat explained that no one had done anything wrong but they canāt throw me out without going through the eviction process. BioMom has been through that process before (she used to run an apartment complex!) so she damn well knew she couldnāt do that, and that the cops wouldnāt help her unless they were just hardcore transphobes whoād just as soon shoot me. No shock to me, the only logical reason she called them was to bully me harder or just get me killed.
Edit 4: Night now, managed a kitchen+toilet trip. Didnāt get thrown directly into jail nor āinstitutionalizedā for daring to disobey my dear sweet loving and supportive (sarcasm) mother and her imaginary right to invade every detail of my life. Still donāt know where to go. Iām too old for many things, too young for others. Kinda afraid (ashamed?) to even try to contact any kind of shelter because likeā¦ theyāve got a handful of rooms and Iām gonna ask for one because Iām a thirty-something loser whoās broken and getting thrown out? They made me broken and theyāre throwing me out for trying to keep one single detail of my life from her butā¦ damn, is that really fair to ask, when others have been through so much worse? Besides, probably nowhere has any space available, so Iāll just be stressing over a phone call or whatever and get nothing from it but more stress. FML, wish Iād been born to an actually decent family or not at all. (Edit 4b: No-go on the whole family/friends thing.)
Edit 5: Still alive! Feels like none of this is even real, like I mustāve just dreamed it all. I think itās this room messing with my head, like nothing can ever change. Am just yapping I guess š¤· (Edit 5b: Oh, edits count as bumps. Sorry >.<; )
Edit 6: Now BioMomās lashing out at BioDad too. Apparently sheās going to take us to hell with her when/after(?) she dies. What the actual fuck. Anyway, in case he comes and kills me Iād like to mention that the new name Iāve been flirting with is Keris. Nocritter asked and Iām in no state to be soul-searching right now but I kinda want to say it, I guess. Might as well try to be as me as I can when I donāt know if thereās gonna be a me in ten minutes. On the plus side, if she decides to still go to her thing on Monday Iāll have a window for escape. Just have to figure out how, and where to go.
Edit 6b: Okay, not dead yet. No idea whatās going on out there; havenāt heard anything in a while. Realized I may sound a little insane being afraid of BioDad when BioMom is the one screaming about taking people to Hell with her. Sheās very movement impaired and canāt get to my end of the house on her own. Sad, yes. Complicated. He, on the other paw, is as cruel as she lets him get by with. Heās always been physically intimidating (though not yet āviolentā), verbally abusive, always looking to do as much damage as he can without her scolding him for it. So if sheās not a factorā¦ heās a threat.
Edit/Update 7: They taped a seven-day eviction notice to my door. Looks like state law requires thirty but Idunno if I can last that long anyway, given Iām afraid to even cross the lil hallway to get to the toilet. Iām very not okay, I need somewhere safe to go, at least long enough to calm down and figure out what the hell to do but thereās just nothing for it. Might be able to afford a hotel for a couple weeks if I donāt eat. Iām not eating anyway so maybe thatās not so bad. No friends, no family, no space in shelters (and I donāt meet anyoneās criteria anyway), no place to go if I do manage to leave, no idea where else to even try or ask. Hell, Iām almost out of bottled water too. If any brave adventurers wanna swoop in and rescue me, nowās the time :-\
Iām sorry this is happening to you, Riikka. I hope you are able to find a way to live independantly, away from hurtful people. If you donāt mind sharing, what lead up to this?
Long-term: thirty-four years of their āloveā being measured in dollars and cents, their belief in children-as-property, their ātraditional values.ā Threatening me with help to make me afraid of psychiatrists instead of actually getting me help. Hell, I had cancer and they almost pushed me out of going to a doctor for that too. Iād have been dead before my twelfth birthday if theyād had their āMom is the only help you needā+āItās probably nothing, walk it offā way. BioMom very much took allā the āYouāre the momā/everything revolves around her stuff BioDad and I said directly to heart, I guess, and it was always so easy for her to push me around because she knew my mental/emotional difficulties and I didnāt, so when I dare to say ānoā to herā¦ bleh.
Short-term: I asked BioDad to take me to a doctor appointment (liver ultrasound) and she demanded to know why, in detail. I said āno.ā She started yelling. I fled to my room and locked the door. She sent him to come BS and intimidate me, then came over herself to spout off about how much money theyād given me and how mean and bad I am but they gave me everything and she has a right to know, blah blah blah.
Not sure if any of that is what you meant š¤· Of course her side of it is āheās so MEAN to me and always has been but Iāve given him everything heās ever wanted!ā I know this because she just said that to the cops. Problem is, she takes everything she dislikes as being āmean to her,ā from someone bumping into her at a Walmart to me thinking unapproved thoughts. When I was considering deconverting from āChristianityā (the āIāve seen a copy of the Bible onceā kind) I had the bright idea (sarcasm) to talk to my dear sweet mom, who I can talk to about anythingā¦ right? She took it as an insult, an offence. I dared to question my own identity and worldview but she took it as an attack on her. It wasnāt, I swear. I rarely have anyone actually close to talk to, and I believed her crap about her being soooo important to me and my life and blah blah blah. Anyway, Iāve not been a perfect child for sure, but ānoā should not be the thing that sets somebody off. She thinks she owns me. She figures sheās entitled to my entire life because sheās paid for it. I figure if she wanted me to have my own life she shouldnāt have kept it from me. Instead of giving me nightmares about mental health professionals who couldāve explained how freaking hard this world was going to be for me, she shouldāve held my hand and walked with me.
Edit: finished a sentence (end of the āshort-termā part)